I graduated from Johns Hopkins with a Biomedical Engineering degree.

I went through hell and got out. Its crazy. I don't know what to say. Its like..I proved myself....I proved to myself that 'I could succeed in anything I set my mind to'.

My past 3 and a half years in college was definitely not the most pleasant one. Haha, I was definitely way too in touch with my nerdy roots. I remember spending most of my weekends (including Friday night, most of Saturday and without a doubt Sunday) studying in the library. I took caffeinne mints, attention deficit pills, and bottle after bottles of mountain dew just so that I could stay focused 7-8 hours at a time. I also didn't eat until I had finished the work I set myself and it led to an infected stomach that would hurt when I'm hungry now. I was so obsessed with studying and doing well I think I lost focused on how a life should be and how to live one. I'm proud to say that I'm finally at the end of this road, but this road was definitely not an easy one. I was scarred along the way. Work was normal, life was dull and it definitely jaded my perception of this society. I paid the price and lost a lot of energy as a young restless man to overcome this obstacle. I don't think I'd be able to do it again..

I aged, matured and have become a lot wiser.

~~~ Jimmy Eat World - If you don't, don't ~~~

Mad respect to rage against the machine....its got that lyrical grace to it.....their songs are meaningful yet perfectly arranged and syncopated....its original......creative....crazy.....these guyz define the label "artists".....and they came out with their first album in 1992....seriously, they were way ahead of their time......Respect.

All hell is nearly over. Thats an incredible feeling to have.

Erik.

~~~ N.E.R.D - RockStar (Remix) ~~~
~~~ Snoop Dogg - Ballin' (featuring The Dramatics, Lil' Half Dead) ~~~

I can't imagine the number of records I've bought over the past 2-3 weeks. Seriously...thanks to a visit online at bmgmusic.com and Amoeba Music while I was at LA. HAha....this is a list of the records I've bought: Switchfoot, Jimmy Eat World, the Strokes, Pearl Jam, Clipse, Snoop Dogg, Incubus, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, Ataris, Outkast, Plaid, Chris Clark, Puddle of Mudd, Ryuchi Sakamoto, Merck, Prefuse73, My Robot Friend, Wilco, Rage against the Machine. Yeah, the list is something like that....

I have 2 more weeks til I graduate. It feels more like 2 years to me. Argh, I am drowning among all my assignments. Theres so much to do and so little determination to complete any of it. I can't wait to get on the plane and fly home. Hell, I can't wait to just finish my last exam on the 16th. Two weeks is so close....yet so far. I just hope everything turns out well....I can't wait for my LD...hehe ^^

My trip to LA was like a taste of how beautiful life could be. Hanging out with your close friends is like a dream that does come true. Its incredible. I swear to all higher beings in this world that I will make the out most effort to make sure I pursue a career where my friends are. I wouldn't see a point in making money if it were not that I was spending on the ppl I enjoy being around with... But yeah, Thanksgiving LA is what it should be. How great would it be to go hang out with your friends after work everyday.....that'd be a life....a goal to strive for..

I think I changed my mind about this whole pet thing....I want a cat....I probably do not want to clean up its puke when its being a lil bitch =X...but I'm sure a cat would be a whole lot of company.....enough of continous chatting online everyday.....I spend so much time chatting online its getting me sick....I'm sure that will end as soon as I find a job and I will not be allowed to connect to ICQ or AIM at work....just like the friggin holidays.....theres so many ppl around me theres no point in going online...

Aite peace, ev is waiting to play pictionary??!!

Mathmos Products Rule! Check out www.mathmos.co.uk

Woohoo. I'm once again back in California. At LA....yep... thats rite...and why am I online and blogging??.....ha, beats the hell outta me....

Theres this thing about LA that attracts me...its the laid-back attitude....its how the sun shines down across the horizon .....how the city spreads out across the landscape......its all of the above combined with hollywood and the music scene they have here......it adds this slight glamour into the city and makes this place so awesome...

Things have become to settle down gradually over the last couple weeks. I would say it was a time of good ol soul searching for me. Figuring out who I really am and what I want for myself...and of course understanding more of this world I have disscluded myself from for the past couple years...Haha, I suppose it was the reason why I didn't even bother coming up to blog. I simply didn't need to....

I was never into photographs all my life. But within the past half year or so, I've finally started to understand why photographs are such a big thing in this world. When I was young I never thought there was a point of snap shotting moments because I felt that I would remember all those experiences that were significant to me anywayz. Haha, and then you grow up, and your memory starts to fade....periods of time pass.....and you start missing those moments you would never be able to put back into place again......*note to self - get a digital camera and start taking pics*

Theres this incredibly cute cat right next to me now. Its like a baby...so restless, curious and real....I never liked animals much, but I think this one is an exception.......It stood up and looked out the window just now....haha....reminds me of wacko me gazing out the window for hours on end......

I =X USA...lol...

u happy? Erik.

Maybe its just a phase, but I don't want to do or deal with anything. I want to sit back and do nothing everyday. I look back at the last 5-6 years of my life, and I don't think I've enjoyed much of it at all. I'm tired of learning and challenging myself again and again. I'm tired of pushing myself to the limit. I certainly make a lot out of succeeding in what I challenge myself with, but whats the point of constantly challenging yourself? I mean, for one thing, its definitely not very chill!! If everyday if going to be a challenge to me, then maybe I should stop going on at it. I spend so much time looking ahead of whats to come rather than enjoy what I have with me right now.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before, but I want to just sit at home and watch TV or something. I need a couple weeks break. And I mean, a break from absolutely everything. I need a break long enough to make me feel incredibly bored. Maybe then I would pick up my motivation to start do anything again.

I'm so lost.
Erik

~~~ Damien Rice - Volcano ~~~
~~~ Aesop Rock - No Regrets ~~~ @ Baltimore tonite. I need to make it to these concerts. I really need to.
~~~ The Strokes - Room on Fire ~~~ Yet to obtain this new record. I know I'm going to like it.

So the whirlwind finally came through my apartment this week. Everything fell apart. I crashed into myself and broke into pieces. Great, Hopkins. I love you. Just watch I'm going to pull through.

I finally decided to take pictures of my apartment. I figured its about time. Before I pack and leave. I'm sure thats going to happen before i know it.

My computer integrated surgery and complex analysis classes have been giving me a real good spanking. More lessons to learn in life. And just when you thought things would be easier, you crash into a new built concrete wall. Great. Taking these type of classes seriously only makes me feel even dumber. I mean, I learn a hell of a lot in them. But I end up coming out of the class room feeling ever more so dumb. I'm not even close to being labelled as "smart" academically. It always makes me wonder what my life is for then? I constantly feel like my feet are on two separate boats. I feel like the rope of a tug-of-war =/ Somebody pls win.

My little brother came and cooked me like 5-6 different dishes. I think he cares about me a lot more than i think. hmmm. lol. But yeah, my fridge is filled with boxes and boxes of ready cooked meals. All microwave ready and split into a-box-a-meal. My younger brother is 4 years younger than me, I'm so bad at taking care of myself he has to do this for me =/

Somebody save me.

Erik.

Saturday Acoustic Morning.

~~~ Jason Mraz - the Remedy (Acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Incubus - Pardon Me (Acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Our Lady Peace - Tear Drop (Massive attack acoustic cover) ~~~
~~~ 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite (acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Foo fighters - Breakout (acoustic) ~~~

Taking it easy.

Erik

~~~ Travis - Hit me baby one more time (acoustic live cover) ~~~ LoL..what else should i say?..its only mediocre tho...dunt expect it to blow you away..

Brain drained. Another weekend of guilt and depression. Argh, wasn't I stressing about the same issues last week?...crazyness...

I got on my turntables just now. I know I don't spend even a quart of the time I do on them compared to the guitar, but I truly love those decks. Its the analog sound that I love. On top of that, its the rhytmic manipulation of that sound which makes it truly amazing. Maybe I should spend some time off practicing how to spin? Yep, instead of goto work at 830am.

There are a couple things on my first of paychecks list to buy. I want to get a nylon guitar, 12-string guitar and drum machine. I'm sure this list will expand soon into a fender bass, amplifiers, les pauls, etc.... But yea, I want a nylon guitar for its clumsy mellow tone. And of course a 12 string guitar for its glittery mesmerizing sound. Haha, enough music talk.

12pm tired.
Why?

Erik.

Have been incredibly busy over the past two weeks. Midterms, interviews, lab, h/w...all crashing into me. And thus, these lyrics. Pretty sad stuff I must say.


Anything

I'd give myself anything...
Anything to make me happy

I'd give myself anything...
absolutely anything...
to make me happy

Anything to let it out
All the words to spin my life
I wish I can give myself anything...

If only I could pull earth together
Divide the ocean with my might
I would give myself anything...
Anything to unplug the world tonight

I want it alright
I'd give myself anything...

A glimpse of ecstasy
A piece of the fruit
Fill me up with anything...
Anything to close the wound

Dreaming of who
Nothing to lose
In midst a flipping life
I want a sight of paradise

I'd give myself anything...
absolutely anything... anything... anything...
I will put anything broken back together
Bring everything lost back in motion

Just anything anything anything...

Jaded.
I believe that best describes my well being. So much in my mind and too much to live up to. My only motivation is knowing that everything will probably pay off sooner or later.
I'm in work mode. I will work and work and work and work until I can't work any harder. Although sad, I suppose thats the only way for me to feel less guilty/regretful about not being able to suceed my short term goals. Yes, it does sound like insanity, but I guess thats where I find the drive to do something. Its a viscious cycle of work.

Sometimes I wonder how hard I can push myself.

~~~ Justin Timberlake - Like I love you, Rock your body ~~~ Cut the introdution, I'm sure everybody knows these songs. I just wanted to say that I am proud to admit to his music. Good music cannot be denied, this guy has soul.
~~~ Jason Mraz - You make me High ~~~


Crash

There are oceans between us,
Experiences to live for,
Egos to live long.
Baby show me what it was all for.

1983. Just another year I was born.
Give me another century to prove it all.
I told you something I haven't heard of
How beautiful my dreams call.

Theres nothing I want to do,
I feel I'm living to live by.
Theres everything I want to do.
To be superman is not a lie.

Somethings behind all this time.
The flowers I smell everyday,
They know better than I.
When its my time. It will be mine.


Haha..what was that?

Airik.

~~~ Morcheeba - Be Yourself ~~~ Yes. Be yourself.

I feel that my blog has lost its tone and color over time. Its boring, reptitive and generally not very interesting anymore. I mean, how would it be interesting when even its author thinks its crap. I'm seriously considering whether I should just stop writing. I figured if I'm continously writing about nothing new or interesting, then its just time to shut this down.

Yep, and hence the effort to reanimate the site by changing the layout and color scheme. The old fashioned blue, blue, blue and more blue airik ramblings site was getting a little tiring. Its sorta like repackaging my product u know? Trying to give it a different feel, shine it under a different light or something. But does it work? Haha, probably not. Not if the product still sucks. Its just another stupid marketing scheme.

My interests have changed drastically over the past 4 years. From still playing video games to practically none. From reading magazines like Maxim and FHM to Wired and WSJ. I spend more time on Yahoo!News than I do on ign.com. I used to go make visits to Djs such as Qbert and Paul van Dyk, but now I rather go listen to Michael Moore and Nelson Mendela speak. Hmmmmm. I suppose all these things are good signs. Although most my friends don't feel the same yet, to say the least, I'm glad I at least wouldn't have to be worried about not growing up.

I was recently looking back at my previous blog entries. I felt pathetic about them. I don't think I would write about any of that stuff if I wrote today. Its funny cause I can't believe how immature/inexperienced were some of those entries. Haha, and chances are that in a year, when I look back at this entry, I would think the same.

Ok. Time to go move my feet. Yep, junior senior.

Erik.

Sit back and take a deep breath.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I'd be better off taking things easier on myself. I need to spend more time listenning to what others have to tell me instead of forcing through with my own point of view. Some things are oughta be and some are not. Maybe its just not up to me to completely path my own life. I need to understand that fact.

Maybe I just have a bad grasp of the big picture. On top of being impatient, I feel like I need to constantly push myself harder to see results. Haha, I'm not much of a long term investor, I guess sometimes that oughta be the better thing to do. I have this dogmatic belief that if I constantly make short term trades, I'd have this higher chance of making it big. WRONG!

~~~ Leftfield - Rhythm and Stealth ~~~
~~~ Jack Johnson - Times like these ~~~
~~~ 3 Doors Down - Here without you ~~~
~~~ Evan and Jaron - Distance ~~~

Life is boring over here in Baltimore. I'd like to talk about my week, but the truth is that nothing actually goes on at all. I goto school...come home....work...do more work...play the guitar...and then end the day with more work. If I talked about anything about my life here, it'd probably just be about small little events that happen here and there. Going to school here is a place of reflection for me. Its nice and all, but I think I'd be better off elsewhere. I prefer to feel the adrenaline running through my blood. I'm just restless. I need to be constantly engaged.
In college, I don't feel like I live who I really am. Haha, maybe its because I went to GSIS. LoL. We're all bred to live more hermit like...we can't be fuct to socialize much.

I'm a workaholic. I don't think I can deny that fact. I'm a bitch, and I will probably sell my soul to the next big corporation I work for. I say this because I've once sold it to nmh and jhu. Its a given that the next appropriate thing to do will be to sell my life to another organization. Great.

Job searching is a waste of time. If I can make millions of profits for a company, they really should be searching for me. Why the hell do I want to look for them, get paid the normal company wages, sell my soul, and help them increase profits? Thats wrong. If only they were smart enough...they should employ spy human resources acting as students at universities. This would then allow them to be able to find out truly who has the abilities. HAha.....ok, i'm just annoyed with job searching.....

I have a CIS paper due next week, and its not being completed.
Hell to school work. A college degree is a piece of paper that only proves that you got a good education. Our educational system is messed up. Pretty much most people in this world did not study what they are doing in their careers right now. What that means is that, a college degree is now equivalent to a highschool degree back in the day. In highschool, we take on all subjects, as if we didn't know what we wanted to do yet. Yeah, and like we know when we're in college? I was talking to my dad earlier this week, and he stressed the importance of going to graduate school for something...for anything. What the hell?! I mean, I'm not disagreeing with him with the fact that I need a more professional degree...but wasn't the whole point of going to graduate school for professionalism?....our society is now also soon converting a graduate school degree into a form of generic education. At this rate, will a PHd be required as a form of good education in 200 years from now?

~~~ the Strokes - Someday ~~~

I love sleep...Those slices of death. How I loathe them. I sleep an average of 10 hours a night. I'm not quite sure if thats a good thing, but I wake up every morning with pain at the back of my head. Somehow, somewhere its starting to make me think that its not a good sign. Probably too much stress...haha.

Airik.

~~~ Ataris - San Dimas Highschool Football Rules (Acoustic/Not) ~~~

~~~ Deltron 3030 - Mastermind ~~~
~~~ Shade Sheist - Money Owners feat. Timbaland ~~~
~~~ Dishwalla ~~~ Get their album. May very well be my favourite band.

Isabella came and left. It seriously put a twist to the week. To start off, it closed down the school on thursday and friday.....yep...no microfab lab and no CIS this week....definitely cool......however, it also took away my slippers on my balcony tho.....to be exact....i think it took away 3 pairs of slippers away from my balcony........argh..

I've been incredibly lazy these dayz. School work has been the last thing on my mind. I just don't want to study anymore. I'm passed those days. I just want to enjoy my life. I just want to have a good time like I did freshman year. I'm not bothered to care about my classes. I think I'm ready for a job.

On a good note, I got a new guitar amp last weekend. So so so so awesome. Its my new toy! I got a Marshall MG15DFX for $80!!!! Hehe, I sound so much more professional now. Damn, I never realized a good amp will make you want to play/practice that much more. I got the reverb, flanger, delay and chorus effects too!!

Things are weird. If only I could live with my friends. If only the people around me understand where I'm coming from. I rarely see any understanding in college, and it really drives me insane. I don't think I can take the fact that some people live in different worlds. I honestly believe that no matter our backgrounds, we shall all live with more or less the same values.

I think I need to be in the city. When it comes down to it, I'm still a city person. I was born in one, grew up in one, and shall die in one. I need interaction. I need people. I need confusion. I need entertainment. I'm dying here in Baltimore with a need of observation of others.

Without soul,
Erik

My courses for my last semester:

Microfabrication lab - We get to dress up like astronauts (gear to cover up our whole body... including feet and hair)...and we hide in a yellowy lit lab for hours so that we all come out at the end of the day color blind. Oh, and what is this course about again?

Computer Integrated Surgery - Dude, just pray that I pass this damn course. Oh, and don't ask me what I learned there.

Complex Analysis - We analyze imaginary numbers (we seriously do), and we come up with methods to do more calculations. My conclusion is that everything I learned was imaginary.

Financial Accounting - Let me introduce my best class of the semester. Financial Accounting!!!....^^; If that is the best class, G'luck Airik.


Anywayz, class aside, whats up everybody? How is everybody doing these days? Eventhough I got a crap load of work to do, I'm definitely kicking it. Making the most out of my time here. Shit man, its last semester, my last chance to do anything I dreamed of doing while I'm in college. Its time for me to sleep less, and make my time here more action packed. Whether working, learning, chilling, bballin, whateva....just end it on a good note.

So, what am I waiting for? Peace.

Airik.

~~~ Coldplay - Shiver (acoustic) ~~~

*phew* back.

~~~ Switchfoot - Meant to live ~~~

Presently enjoying some honey dew melon wrapped with prosciutto ham. Hmm. I love this stuff. Its like the perfect fruit and meat combination. Just perfect.

Alrite, so my GRE's didn't go as well as they ought. Life goes on? Yes and no. Yes in the way that theres no point regretting or feeling blue about it. No in the way that its a sign to tell me I should put more effort into it. Yep, time to put my game face on...plough through whateva needs to be done.
Argh, anyhow, I'll have to retake the test and go through that stupid computer testing again. Shit, nothing ever comes easy does it?

Aint bothered all of a sudden. so peace.

Airik

I think the GRE's are creeping into me. Maybe the truth is that I won't be able to take sub-par scores. Or maybe i will when I get them....its this time in between before you get the scores that makes you want to puke..... =X

Its gonna be a very different last semester at Hopkins for me. I know its gonna be different. Something tells me that it'll be nothing that I've ever thought of (well...maybe I've dreamt of it before...I've always had this idea that you live the future in your dreams...thats why shit is F'ed up and doesn't make sense).....but yeah, back to the point....things are gonna be different in a weird erratic way....

I want to be a musician. I want to be a producer. I want to be an artist like Pharrell. I don't really idolize him or want to be him, but I think I could also lead a life like his. He's smart. Although my life is in many ways set to be the business boy, the man with the suit and tie all day, I dream to be in the music industry. I know its all about drive, and doing whateva it takes to meet your goals. Hell I got all that shit.

I think I'm such a selfish person. Seriously, I'm all about myself. In many ways, I'm such a loser like that. I'm all about striving to make myself a better person...well, others around me too (but most of them don't see why they should)....I feel like I have such a big ego I should start hating myself. Wuhahha, I wanna take over the world or something....okok..maybe not take over the world......but I'm all about me, me, me, me, me and me....

I think i'm both an idealist and realist. Its weird.

Airik.

Lotsa New Music for the Soul:

~~~ Bone Thugs N Harmony - Lets Change the World ~~~
~~~ N.E.R.D - Baby Doll ~~~
~~~ Acoustic Alchemy - Playing for time ~~~
~~~ Electric Six - Gay Bar ~~~
~~~ Rage Against the Machine - Know Your Enemy ~~~
~~~ Hot Hot Heat - Bandages ~~~
~~~ Maniac Street Preachers - If you tolerate this...~~~
~~~ Black Eye Peas feat. Justin Timberlake - Where is the Love ~~~


So I'm back at school. Feels like i've been away for at least half a year or something. I've sort of built this love hate relationship towards this place. Having to come back here after the summer triggers so many memories and thoughts......All those times I were cracked out on campus in the morning to hand in homework......ploughing through h/w that seemed impossible......All those rooms and buildings I took exams in.....studying, studying and studying at the library.......seriously, I've done all sorts of things around this campus........all those things since freshman year......since Bradford.....since my apartment...since I got my ride........Damn. I'm a senior now.

GRE's on Wed. Haha, Nice! Considering the fact that I haven't really been studying for it, hopefully it'll go well. Just not in the mood these days to deal with shit like that. I want to sit back and kick it.

I want what I can never give myself. Its sad, but I want time. I want freedom. I want to spend abundant amounts of time doing what I want to do. Haha, I guess I'm just throwing up over my future right now. I don't want to deal with shit at the end of this year.

Boohoo.
Study time.

Erik.

So I'm sitting here writing probably my last entry before I leave back to school. Can't see see myself bother again while I'm here at home.

Its been an extreme week. 7 straight days of partying. Spent 4 mornings passed out elsewhere and 3 mornings back home after 7am. Damn. This is what work did to me, this is how much I had to let out.

A blog entry would never be able to explain what happens in a day here. Events are registered in my brain in terms of with who and where, and not be which day of the week it was. Too many things happen everyday. A typical day could include chilling at home in the morning, out for an interview, shopping, bball, shower at JC, drinks at 2-3 lounges, tsui wah and then drags somewhere out there.
Theres so little time to reflect. Its just not quite possible unless you're determined to make room to do so. It makes me start to believe that such a busy schedule causes me to take things for granted.

Then again, whateva for now.

Erik.

This is what Hopkins does to you:

Whats the point of being nice? - http://propriapersona.tripod.com/current.htm
Music and Listeners - http://propriapersona.tripod.com/music_and_listeners.htm
Metaphysics of boredom - http://~~~/metaphysics_of_boredom.htm
Is Anything Real? - http://~~~/is_anything_real.htm

If anything, this is the sort of thing I spend most my day pondering about too.

Erik.

Welcome back.

Sunday 7pm. I'm tired, I want to go take a nap but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep tonite and goto work in the morning if I sleep now. I slept at 8:30am this morning....haha....yeah, what else is new Erik?
I don't consider myself a party person, but I somehow end up getting trashed and going to bed in the morning every weekend.....its weird, I sorta feel like I think I'm something I am not.....either I have issues with being who I am or I'm just in a phase when I haven't settled to become the person I want to be when I'm back home for the summer.

5 more days of work. Woo hoo. Although I like work and I'll be missing it, I'm glad its over....haha...I'm gonna sound like a whining bum, but I need a break. Seriously though 7 weeks flew by just like that. Its insane. I wonder how working throughout the year feels like. I wonder how different my life would be if it were a permanent job. Still all these activities after work?

Bballing quite a bit these days. With all sorts of ppl: Interns, ex co-workers, bros. Not much competition for the most part tho. Especially half court bball. Hey, thats how i grew up. Somebody, really, come stop me.
I'm actually playing more sports in Hong Kong than I do at school. Weird.

~~~ Kings of Leon - Youth and Young Manhood ~~~ If 1994 was Oasis and 2002 was the Strokes. Then 2003 is Kings of Leon.
~~~ Easy Star All Stars - Dub side of the moon ~~~ Pink floyd 'dark side of the moon' dub in reggae. Its a whole new adventure.
~~~ Jay Chou 4th album ~~~ Asian king of pop. New 4th CD. Same genre, same style, just more songs.
~~~ DJ Shadow - Building Steam with a Grain of Salt ~~~ Sampling beats. For those that like non-vocal trip-hop like slow phat beats.

Aite.
Erik.

On a side note - Real Madrid is overrated, but Winning Eleven is not.

So my 2nd guitar pick broke last nite....
HAha, its funny how I make that connection with the fact that it shows how much I've been practicing and not maybe whether its because I'm strumming to hard or something....haha...but yeah, I was proud it broke on me.....

~~~ Dragon Ash - Underage Song ~~~ DA's first best single...Its pretty good...some classic Jap hip-hop for y'all to vibe with.....

I miss my electric guitar. Although I know I'll be bringing my current one back this coming Christmas, I'm seriously considering whether I should invest in another. Sometimes distortion just gives me a more full sound, the acoustic is too defined....too crisp...i guess its just not great to mess around with sometimes....

Its Thursday morning....office time...yes, I'm slacking.....hehe....I've got hand fulls of work from my supervisor and also this hk wealth creation project thing to work on...but oh well, its all good....
Probably tired from bball yesterday....argh....i can't believe bankers can play ball too..hahaa....or maybe they just weren't playing at the level/style I was......but yeah, got myself a couple more battle scars last nite....

Only through suffering and understanding others we realize more about our individual-self.

Airik

@Office...really shouldn't be doing this rite now....haha....

Hello and GoodBye

Hear my voices in heart,
Waterfalls in my sky.
The clouds move faster than mine.
Lonely, dry, I'm so high.
She scared me (but why?)
Like a butterfly she spread her wings,
While I cry in the world blind.

Hearing her beat in heart,
Infesting death calls me clear.
Her eyes near mine, fireworks, who denies.
Tears roll down my feet,
I'm broken, disorganized, dry (and why?)
Have I not learned her beat?
Am I an instrument of heat?

Imagine an ideal peace.
I blame time,
Hers grinding against mine.
She held me, and took my smile
So careful, I took the lie.
Now I'm demolished dry,
Hello and GoodBye.

Back.

~~~ Jimmy Eat World - Believe in What you Want ~~~ I've been getting into some Emo these dayz...especially Jimmy Eat World's stuff....check out their album 'clarity'..

Everyonce in a while I feel like I'm living in this world. I can feel my own two feet on the ground. I'm consious but I feel like I don't understand my own existence. I don't understand my consquences and I feel like there are so many things maybe I could have done better doing. I'm not saying I regret what I have done or did, but I feel like there are many more ways to deal with stuff, some eventually being things I'd have better off done instead and some not.

Either I've grown up a little or maybe I'm just over thinking things, but I'm starting to appreciate routine. Not that I don't like the feeling of being free, but I enjoy routine I have control over. Or to better put it, routine I create for myself. For example I like to look forward to guy's ball nite, I like to know that I'm scheduled for Kaplan after work. I guess routine makes me feel like I'm making more out of my time, it makes me feel scheduled. Keeps me away from time when I end up not doing anything at the end.

Its interesting how the only thing that really goes through my head day in and day out since I've gotten back is Hong Kong. Theres something so full and perplexing about it that keeps me on my feet 24/7. Everyday is seriously an adventure of its own. Theres so much to digest in a day I feel like I'm wasting it everyday by puking it back out. Its sort of scaring me cause one day I might get sucked into it and I wouldn't be able to get in touch with who I really am anymore.

Its funny how I don't have a single thing to write about when I'm finally in front of the comp...

Whoever you are. I'm glad.

Airik.

Its been awesome summer.