I'm still messy

I feel so unrefined. I have an idea who I am but I feel like at this point its just random colored blotches of me on the canvas.

I used to think creative-types must feel such ambiguities in life to become inspired, but I am starting to find such idea more and more biased. An 'enlightened creative' should be able to clearly segment his angles, and employ the appropriate abilities given the situation. I don't think its possible to act from all angles (as a whole) at once; its too conflicting.


I want to blame China for making me less disciplined. Recently, I've noticed myself shying away from structure.