Hmmm........theres only one thing left between junior year and I.....Phyfound EXam!.......just one more...just one more......at least work week is over *phew*......just gotta study my brains out and should be fine...not too many hopes (plans to study everything inside out..but to do above avg would be awesome already -_-; ).........now that I talk about it, reminds me I should start studying.......haha...i work up at 9:45am and spent the last hour or so playing the guitar.........ARgh, that was not the plan....
Guess I should stick up to my words. Peace outside.

~~~ Overseer - Horn Dog ~~~ Mitsubishi Endeavor Electronica

Tired....argh......did somebody say spring fair weekend??.....although i still got tomorrow to check it out, I haven't had a chance to walk by the quads nor drop by beer garden all weekend....too much work!!.....all packed before exam period.....all of a sudden I'm wondering what the hell exam period is for when most professors try to schedule their courses to be completed before exam period??.......But anywayz, yeah, I spent nearly a whooping 9 hours on design team stuff yesterday and 7 hours on it today??....what the hell is going on??...and we're meeting back up again tomorrow??
Its been a while since I've gotten little to no sleep. I managed to squeeze in 3 hours last nite after design team and Chui and Chuangs birthday drinking nite (yes, and got mad tired *blink* and passed the 'F' out afterwards eventho it'd fuck my sleep schedule up) .....I guess the reason why I say I haven't done it in a while is cause I'm not a crunch time student anymore....I don't study hard the nite before midterms, exams....I don't stay up for papers, projects before its due......I'd probably sound like a mad nerd or retardly uptite, but I usually plan to finish studying or writing my paper at least a day or two before the last day thinking I'd have more than enough time if I figured more needs to be done (although, its not usually the case, and on the last day I'm somehow always chilling and doing something else)......but yeah, I've had a weird weekend....its spring fair and I'm too occupied to even walk by....even missed the blackalicious concert.....*sigh*.....

YEY!..one more week of school.....its probably gonna be a hectic next 5 days of studying, hwking, labbing...but it'll be a lot more chill afterwards....I'll have a lil more than a week to study for the final chapter of phyfound........it seriously feels like I've taken that course and its lab for the longest longest time......its like a weekly lecture, lab, homework committment........pretty intense compared to the rest of the courses I've taken here.......its a one year course, and they make sure every damn lecture its filled up with material...not a day of that class goes by easily........seriously, the amount they teach is more like 3-4 courses instead of 2 courses over the year....
But anywayz, HELLz YEAH!....i'm done with it with 100% attendance....well, I soon will be.......probably one of the biggest BME challenges to overcome throughout the degree....its good to know I overcame hell in one of its purest forms...

I still need to spend more time to make sure..but I recently got the new Tosca CD while I was at NYC last weekend. I personally think the main album aint as strong as the previous, but the package also comes with a session CD.....and I thought that was one damn special CD I've heard in my life.......its a CD with a full set of tracks, its very very quite.....every once so often there would be soft piano chords played........its crazy, I felt mad peace when I heard it....i suppose its the type of stuff you'd want to listen only when you're alone......the first time i heard it I was driving, and I felt like I was in another world......a world completely peaceful......as if everything became silent all of a sudden........its as if you suddenly turned deaf, there is no sound from anywhere.........nuthing except for the silence from the CD......it was a crazy experience........I ended up parked at the parking lot for my music lesson and I spent the next 15mins staring out into the blue sky through the open roof in my car while the CD played.....i dunno....i sound crazy...but the CD is even worse.....
~~~ Tosca - Dehli 9 (Session CD) ~~~

Aite. BACK 2 WORK.
AiRIK

HAha...with absolute no permission from Silent S, I will steal an exert from his internet diary and put it into mine (hehe..you know how much time that saves?!):

then it continue with a weird thursday where the weather drop 20 degrees, cold.. some school field trip that makes us tired and ended up blazin "strawberry-haze" with min at the wrong staircase.. hit so quick, was gonna go home but decided to call chuck and christine for dinner, we ate dinner, heard monkey was coming to town, and have weird moment looking for some grass by "aim"ing all people we know, and ended up blazin some more.. go back home for some 7am mcD's breakfast

friday go to school, got permission to leave a lil early.. get sm's car, he got ripped off again by some hag guai, went shopping, got a watch with an artificial intelligent that told me "when am i going to get laid?" walk around the village, heard erik's news and my nightmare at the same time..(yo man, even though you makin me fui, i really thank you for telling me that shit..), go karaoke feeling guilty, sing norah jones, sing john mayer, yum and siu-siu blaze, go home for another mcD's 7am breakfast..

saturday.. mo blaze mo yum, played a lil pool, cheuk got some fever (i thought it was SARS yo), but he was so gangster - decided to get bubble tea and watch "phone booth"... shit movie with one good 'very-touching' moment... (tears for real).. go home and late avocado ham with muenster cheese toasted bread sandwich... rest..
*** BTW, SM = Space Monkey, and no thats not ME!!!...wuhahahaha...***

Yep, although I wouldn't agree with SS about everything he writes about, and neither would I have phrased things the same way he did.....I wanted to slip it into my diary....haha....tiz crazy talk....but its like a diary integration....diaries intertwined.....an event that included the two of us.......but anywayz, yeah, awesome weekend...

I feel like i'm being pulled both ways.
I know people that are on the right track every single moment, they always have a master plan on the table, always doing the right thing and working hard at it. On the other hand, I also know people that are always chilling, they're always living life as it is, just living it up and getting through it...they seem like they live every moment for what it is. Sometimes I feel like theres such a big gap in between. Its either you're mad extreme into getting shit right, or you're just being a normal person. I feel like I don't completely belong on either side, I act and live wanting the best of both worlds. I feel like I want to be everything, I want to experience it all. It makes me feel like I have one of each feet of mine on a different boat. It doesn't quite feel the same, but its metaphorically sorta like being in the middle between being an ABC and being a FOB. Its like, you enjoy both worlds, but you're not quite on either side...and that sometimes becomes a disadvantage on its own. Its like you're this certain thing, but not really....

Talking about being the middle (in what I call the gray matter)...I am faced with a dilemma these dayz.....ok 'fui' lah.......the best way to put it i suppose is "a desire unfulfilled may be the most satisfying".....i suppose some things are better staying a dream......haha.......as cheuk says, what it comes down to is always the balance between the pros and cons for me:

I see fire
In the midst, I see dreams
I foresee torture without death
I'm not ready to fly neither drop
May the goddess reach out her hand
I beg for neither heaven nor hell
All I want is peace
All I want is what I can't have

I need options
I want a way out
I can cry no tears, and all pain
May the goddess reach out her hand
Lift me up high, and not watch me fall
I speak to save you from the same
So let my prayers begin
Let the hopes become miracles

gonna bball again,
ERik

Its time for me to start think about graduate school. Where do I wanna go? What do I want to study?....What am I gonna do after I graduate at the end of 2003? Work? Bum? Travel? Hmmmmm.....I feel both old and I feel l like none of my friends are going through the same stuff I am....all you stupid idiots.....fai di graduate lah....
I think I'd like to goto Stanford or Columbia for FE tho (uh-huh, thats if i get in!!....).........but yeah, life will go on if I don't....I think I'm pretty good at accepting the reality, plus, I feel like aiming at top universitys only....so thats what I get for my sorta ego...
Anywayz, seriously tho...I feel so damn old......I hear about kids that are still deciding where to go for undergrad and I instantly feel like I should be there too.....I'm not old...still yet to become 20.....and I'm planning to graduate?!!......I feel like I'm ahead....or maybe i actually am?!....haha....this sounds a lil stupid, but part of me actually wants to stay back and hang around.......

Gonna work out and bball more in a while......its becoming a habit.....or should i say a habit revisited??....yep, its all coming back to me.....its been a while since I've felt that complexity in playing sports and doing excercise......I guess i always understood it, but just hadn't had time to experience it again.........hahha......yeah, what it comes down to is that I used to have a lotta work..........I felt like I always had work to be completed (and I actually did) before...but now its just like, I have everything on top of......the funny thing is, I never realized college was chill like that.....i never realized I was one (among the rest of the nerds) of the only ones that spent so much time getting my school work and all that together.....only til now, I found out there was so much time to chill, rest and do what I want to do.......

Not gonna post music, check previous two entries for stuff. I suppose make sure you chek out 'Weekend Players - Jericho'....thats a huge one.

Gonna bounce.
Airik
"I don't want to be a liability. I want to live life and be an asset of the people around me."

I'm happy.
This semester went by in a blink of an eye. I suppose half the reason is cuz I've had an awfully easy semester, and the other half is cuz I've made the most out of my time throughout. I feel like theres nothing better to be happenning right now...I'm satisfied, I will accept it and make the best out of it.
Two weeks of school left, two exams left. In a way, I want the school year to end..but in another, I don't want it to. I don't know what I'll be doing when its over. Hopefully something fun and exciting =) Won't be able to go home yet, so i'll be hanging around...prob in the states, maybe Vancouver?!.......
I'll be staying in school for July tho (damn chem lab 2!!).....dammit......graduating early wasn't initially part of the plan, so I'll have to suck it up.....I guess I'll get my GRE's done with then too....

~~~ Spooks - Karma Hotel ~~~ its...erhh...erh...gothic?!!......haha......its hip hop...its one of those narrated story songs.....
~~~ Royksopp - Remind Me, Eple, poor Leno ~~~ I like these guyz a lot...its dreamy german electronica......their album "Melody A.M" is awesome...
~~~ Lemon Jelly - Come ~~~ I think I mentioned lemon jelly before.....they're a very funky downtempo group..
~~~ The Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK ~~~
~~~ Morcheeba - Blindfold ~~~

Spring fair, beer garden and the whole lot is coming around this weekend....ahhhh.....i'm like anti-alcohol rite now....I think about that stufff and it reminds me to go back to the toilet bowl......I think I over did it last weekend......I did not hold back at all......hehe......although I also think I accomplished my primary goal for the nite......its awesome tho, I like heading to NYC for partying......as I always say over and over again, its all about who you're with.....the rest are only bonuses.......anyhow, yeah, will be back to update about how it ends up this weekend....

lost my voice over the weekend again,
Erik

Once Again, I ponder about the number of people that read my blog. Especially those that I do not know read it, are you one of them??

~~~ 7L and Esoteric - Watch Me ~~~ Hiphop. Chek the artist. Its the best I've seen in a while.
~~~ Morcheeba - Undress Me Now ~~~ Chill Dream Downtempo w/ vocals.
~~~ Weekend Players - Jericho ~~~ "I hear your voice coming out to reach me...."

I feel like whatever I talk about is going to be very biased. I feel like my mind is not clear. Its as if certain directional neurons in my head are being constantly stimulated so that I am overrided to think only in one direction (haha...way too much BME for me). I constantly tell myself I need to keep myself on my feet. Its only for the good, I shall not let myself wander into the deep space.
I've been working out and playing basketball a lot more often these days. Thats definitely been very successful, it makes me feel alive, it keeps me focused, it keeps me busy for the day and tired when I rest. I enjoy complete days, I enjoy a day filled with activities, typically with some variation..... some school, some excercise, kicking back a little, and all sorts of other things.

I enjoy life. I appreciate. Joe, Chuang, Dave and I were just discussing a couple days ago about our normal daily happiness state. We were rating our normal daily happiness on a scale from 1-10 (5 being neither happy nor unhappy), and I rated myself a 7. Everybody seemed to be pretty surprised, but I was glad to think of myself as that happy normally. A year ago I would of probably rated myself a 4-5ish, and another year ago, I would've probably rated myself a 3. Yeah, pretty depressed well being, if i recall, I thought pretty pessimisitic. Everything concluded with 'life sucks, suck it up'.
I have realized though, our moods rely on our outlook and not upon what is happenning or going on in our lives. Its all about your attitude towards things. In many ways I could be judged as biased (I should technically be a 5 normally)...but I don't care as long as its doing me good =) I guess I just don't see a reason to be normally unhappy, while I see a reason to be happy because I'm not unhappy.....alritealrite, enough crazy talk....
What would you rate yourself?

Its a good week.
Airik.

I'm a very extreme person. When I set my mind to something, nothing can stop me.... I have the tendencies to focus intensively on things that I like......when I'm on about something, thats all that goes through my head day in day out.......Its sorta cool....haha....i like this trait.....i tend to become very absorbed with my thing....it numbs me out from the rest of the world......
I've been having some intense bball session over the past week.....I felt like I've been such a bum for the past couple weeks since I broke my hand.....normally, I don't care about how I physically look (i don't want to be buff and stuff, i think i look better being a tall skinny azn) but I've recently felt that I'm starting to get out of shape.....although I'm skinny, I felt like I was starting to get a little flabby.......and that drove me to move my ass to get those workouts.....yesterday, I played 4 hours straight of back to back full court....from 8pm - 12pm....pretty crazed stuff.....I haven't done that in a while...last time being at least 3 years ago or something......But yeah, I came home and looked at myself in the mirror in satisfacation.....haha.....i can see an end to my bball sessions again til I feel like a bum....
I had an all day xenosaga last weekend (10am-1am). I'm over with video games, but I somehow still amaze myself once a in while how I can still somehow get into a game like that.....Maybe i can pull another this weekend, i'm pretty free this month til exams start....as long as i get to work tonite or tomorrow i suppose....

~~~ Jay-Z feat. Eminem - Renegade ~~~ I dunno where this came from....it was in my mp3 folder....its prob an old song?!
~~~ Our Lady Peace - Clumsy ~~~ I like OLP a lot.....this was probably one of their first hits...
~~~ At 17 - ÄãÓÐ×Ô¼ºÒ»Ì× ~~~ I heard this song on the radio over the christmas in HK and instantly loved it....the vocals aren't anything special or anything but i thought the song was mad chill......mad props for making cantonese stuff that doesn't sound the same......oh and also, one of them is Jons cousin.....although, i've seen them in real life personally...they seemed to me like they were just any normal random HK girls....

I don't normally put lyrics other than my own on this site cuz I think it wastes too much space.....I rather fill up my blog with stuff I write, but I'll make an exception today:

"What It Is To Burn" - Finch

Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Today is fine, and she burns
Today is fine, and she burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aite, gonna grab a beer and watch the Kings vs. Lakers game.
Airik.

I figured its been a while since I've recommended any of my recent playing on winamp Mp3's....so chek it:

~~~ Finch - What is it to burn ~~~ pretty hardcore song.....pretty angry.....i suppose those that don't enjoy heavy rock to skip this one.......I dunno, I like it a lot tho....its very powerful...its very emotional...
~~~ Port of Notes - (You are) more than paradise ~~~ Its been a while since I've listenned to them....erm....thanx btw......
~~~ Stanley Huang - Circus Monkey, Help ~~~ This dude is my rock version of david tao......I don't know anything about him other than that these songs are good...
~~~ Vines - Outtathaway! ~~~ I like grunge a lot....I think both these guyz and Nirvana both do a great job at that....
~~~ Mr. Scruff - Cheeky ~~~ Yep, downtempo....He happenned to be spinning at the chill room at a big rave I was at a long time ago...missed out on him tho...

I'd probably sound like a sick fool to you for mentioning this...but I was introduced to the term 'hot plate' a couple days ago by chuang and joe......hahha....somehow, I really like this term....its pretty gross but I think its incredibly funny.........for those that don't know what it is, its basically wrapping your face with saran wrap....and then have somebody shit on your face.....hahaha.....yeah...its disgusting....pretty good jackass stunt though.......you think its funny?? or plain sick??

Anywayz, I've been thinkin about some things I shouldn't be over the past couple days.....to get hurt or not is my next question......There aren't that many things in this world that I want and don't reach out to.......I strive to obtain what I want....and I know what I want very well........hmmmmm.....i dunno......its pretty sad....sometimes I feel like such a loser for bending my back to just hope.........I feel like all in all, i'll always stay the loser......
I'm in deep trouble....i know most well out of all people......thats how my life works, its always been that way....nothing ever works out at the same time......its either this or that.....I focus on something and I tend to lose control of the other.....

The SARS is wrecking my home!!...go away! go away!!......Leave my home alone.
I had a dream about being in HongKong last night...was pretty freaky....somehow I badly wanted to go out to do stuff on the streets.....and there were so many crowded areas I had to go through......and I was so freaked out that I would contract the disease........its crazy man.....I was freaked out all dream, cuz I knew I could contract the disease through air..or even through contaminated objects.......I didn't know what the hell was going on...but i remember myself being super consious about everything I did and everywhere I went........so pls go away VIRUS! Otherwise we'll figure out how to wipe you out!!........and definitely leave before the summer starts!

aite.
Airik.

I feel peace. Maybe I'm just being a dreamer, but I believe in peace in ones mind. I hope one day this thought will help make this world a better place. I know we are gazillion galaxies away from a world of total peace, but it doesn't stop me from trying to make it happen. It really isn't that hard to be generous. It really isn't too hard to be nice and helpful. I've definitely grown up to be a lot more sensitive person, sometimes even I am shocked at myself upon the things I decide. I never realized as a kid I would ever make decisions for the greater well being unless it were for the benefit of myself. As I once quoted, 'heroes often sacrifice....heroes don't seek recognition'...I'm not trying to say I'm a hero....I simply don't believe in one.....I believe only if everybody lives through these principles will there ever be one....not an individual, but rather beings that live at another level......i suppose if i'm really directed to be more thoughtful as I grow and experience, I hope it will continue forever....I want to know whether I have a limit, whether I will ever say 'stop' and think a bit for myself first......

YEah, i'm gonna be graduating early. Awesome. Hopefully with a math minor too, but if not, i don't care. Although theres always a lot more to learn here, I think i'm pretty done with undergrad....i learned what i need to...i went past all that i must......its time to move on once again......yep, that means one more semester....and i'll be done by 2003 christmas..........haha....shall i congratulate myself?

Now I'm hooked on xenosaga...damn, whats wrong with me...i feel like i'm moving back into my child hood rather than progressing forwards.......

Erik.

I traded in my new 'Meteora' Linkin Park CD for the new 'Elephant' White Stripes and Audio Slave CD. I guess I didn't enjoy meteora much. I felt like the whole CD just didn't live upto its expectations. No new sound, and no breakthrough in content. I listenned to the whole CD one track at a time awaiting for the next crazy rap rock ballad to just blow me away, and it failed. I guess that was some sort of disappointment, I was eager to find out that next level these guyz would bring me, and the whole CD was just the same old stuff til the end. Nuthing spectacular, nothing below par.
I guess the only track that moved me was ~~~ Session - Linkin Park ~~~ thats the instrumental DJ track by Mr.Hahn....
Its all good tho, if i'm not mistaken, the White Stripes and Audio Slave albums I got should satisfy my needs. I've been told those are supposedly worth my time.

Haha, I feel like making myself sound like a major geek by stating that I've been hooked onto playing Magic: the Gathering online over the past week. Haha...its tite, and I will stick up to what I like no matter whether it'll stereotype me into a loser geek, nerd or whateva. I am what i am, no shame in who I am and what I like.....Yep, its only smart to live your own flow, don't let the rest of the world change what you want.....Anyhow, all in all, its an awesome game, definitely worth the experience if you haven't played it before....download the game and play unlimited free trials at the magic the gathering website.....

I'm considering graduating half a year early. If my permission to get a math minor is rejected, I'll most probably go ahead and schedule to graduate this coming christmas 2003. If i'll be getting my math minor too, then i'm not sure yet. It'll be hella tough fall 2003, it'll mean a lot of work and pretty much no play. I dunno, saving $18,000 aint really on my parents mind, but I definitely just want to get over with undergraduate college. I guess time will tell, I'll need to make some "decisions" over the next two weeks. To graduate early or not is my question.

~~~ Heaven's Drive - L'arc en ciel ~~~ Hands down, these guyz are my fav......only recently I started to listen to their stuff again, and I was just blown away by the level their music is......my music has developed a lot since the last time I listened to them, I revisited them again and felt like i knew nothing about their music before.......i didn't understand that there was so much more behind what I used to listen to even when i had them playing on my CD player over and over again......i guess maybe its because they're an asian band, they know how to fine tune their music perfectly for my mind......i dunno.....but yeah, this is an all rockers must check out band......I'm confident to say that they'd do crazy well over in America if it weren't that their songs are in japanese...
Oh and yes, they're BACK from rest period!!! They just came out with 3 new compilations!!! I can't wait to hear about them again.

Airik..

I want to fly.

I always thought that those that said they wanted wings were such idiots. Its only realistic to live on in our world without wings. But 5 secs ago, i wanted a pair too. I finally felt what they meant when they say they want wings. You want to just fly away, away from this world, away from our life and our constrictions. You want to be somewhere where you can just hide alone without a soul nearby...

I want to be a rock star.

I want to live carelessly. I don't exactly care about my crib, my money. I just want to make music for this world. I want to make music for the masses. I want to be able to create music for others to feel. I want to goto crazy parties and I want everybody to be friendly to me. I want to live a life a day at a time.

I want to be a difference.

I want to be "the somebody else". I don't want to live life as it is. Everyday I wear a barbed wire around my head, it doesn't hurt but its clenched so tight. Its wanting to tell me something, something that nobody knows of except for me. I can't make out clearly what it is, but its my purpose. I feel like I need to resolve it, I feel like I will live painfully for the rest of my life until I unlock this goal. Theres something out there, as important or irrelevant it is to this world, it means everything to me to get it done.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. For the past week, at the end of the day, i feel dead. My eyes strain to see, my mind strains to run. Its pressure?! from what?......from who? for what? for who?.....when you know so well what you want, you tend to stay too focus........when you are too focused, you lose sense of your surroundings......i think i just lost it.

Didn't blog for a week and a half. haha. My past month has seem like a year to me, i wouldn't know where to start. Theres only one thing in my mind, and thats 'live on'.
On a greater note tho, POETRY DEF JAM is one of those things that unexpectedly make it to our lives. If i had to rate this show, I would give it 10/10. Yes, i guess i am being a little lenient here...but when i think about it again, I have nothing negative to say about it, so why shouldn't i give it a 10?? I would appreciate any of you that make it to NYC to spend the time to goto their broadway, I would greatly appreciate such a talented 'real' group get the recognition and support they deserve...........can't believe they came hopkins and i missed their show....i would like to see it again....

Sometimes I feel like my life is entertainment. I feel like my world is entertainment. What is actually called entertainment would i guess be called entertainment within entertainment. Or would it??....hahha...i guess not.....what is called entertainment in our world doesn't always end up to be entertainment, I suppose they should be called time killers....the real entertainment is around us...its in our air....its within everyone of us.......we and our world is our own entertainment......if you dunt think so, think again.......

Summer is coming soon, I feel like I just came back from christmas break. I suppose its cuz so much has been going on since I've gotten back. Always on the run, always in a race to beat time.......(haha...suppose thats why i'm tired...).......but anyhow, yeah, summer is coming....hopefully i'll be able to get through fine (according to history, i normally get through just fine...family, work, friends, play...yep)............haha.......somehow i'm reminded about what I was doing exactly during this time last year......EWWW...hated it....hated work......hahaha....I've changed again...grown again......ho crazy ar......so whos the final version of me??...infinite version?

I'm tired.
Airik

I don't think i've mentioned, but i broke my right hand 2-3 weeks ago.......it sux, its still recovering.....i've only started to type with it late last week, its gonna be a while til i'll be able to play bball or even play the guitar properly like i used to.......

~~~ Another Better Day - Nemo ~~~ get the song @ www.nemorocks.com....their song 'goldfish' is good too!!.....these guyz aren't professional but they know what they're doing........they live a life i'm crazy jealous of.....its definitely one of my dreams come true to do exactly what they are.......oh and also, thxn volcom3 for introducing their music to me a while ago..

~~~ Summer wind was always our song - Ataris ~~~ More punk for the rockers. These guys rock my world.

I'm a dead body on campus today. I'm mentally exhausted from the stress and studying i've put through this week...yep, if you didn't realize, my previous entry was a desperation voice from my mind........after the phyfound midterm, i felt like all the juice from my brain had been squeezed out for the day......i was struggling to stick around til the day was over.........
Its either i'm just paranoid, or i'm changing again.......for a while, its either i've been feeling either very focused or i've been as dead as can be.......i feel like i'm crazy all over again........my mind seems to speak different (and even contradicting) every other day.......and its been very confusing.......my mind seems to be very easily persuaded by my present opinions and arguments.....its driving me nuts........i feel like its post-high day....i feel uneasy about what i'm doing.......
Music has been my only temporary cure thes days.....i feel so alive when i'm listenning to music....i feel like i'm immensed into a whole new world.....you know how your surroundings completely change after you dive underwater?.....i feel just like that except for that my vision is exactly the same......its crazy, its intense....

Spring is here!!! So awesome...hehe...as i mentioned a long time ago, i love summer wear...i love the sun......we've had an awfully long christmas over here in the east...so long that i've seriously forgot about the sun........i completely forgot how warm and nice it can be.........Nite walks on campus are definitely my favourite during the spring.....makes me feel so free......its so refreshing........i feel i probably won't have to drive to class even once, i'd be missing out too much...

k. its late,
Airik.

~~~ Evanescence - Bring Me to Life ~~~ Wow...i can feel this song running through my blood....i listen to it, and i feel like i'm living in another dimension....have you ever felt that way when you listen to moving music??

I must admit. I'm stressed. I feel like its a weakness......i feel weak when i tell the world that i'm stressed....but i want to be honest today, i live a life overwhelmed by stress. I live my life wanting to know the unknown......its like a side effect of my 'driven' characteristic......I am driven because I am stressed.........i suppose i do not believe in hope....or to better put it, i feel like i do not want to let hope or luck decide my fate.......i might sound like such a wuss as i complain about the stress i go through.....but, believe it or not, as confident as i am about myself....i know deep inside i'm a crazily stressed out person.......For the past couple days, I've been mentally very sick. And i know for sure what the cause of it is.....its my fukin midterms....and you say SO WHAT?! you let fuckin midterms put you down?!......yeah. To be honest, they have been killing my appetite and I haven't been able to sleep properly for the past week......its not something i can oppose to........i've been waking up often during my sleep and i've been having the most incredibly depressing dreams for a while.........Just today, after i finally decided to fuck sleep, i got up and cooked.....i prepared just another meal, and i had one bite......seriously, one bite all meal......all this self cooked food in front of me....i have one bite and i put it away..........
As i am already, i can see myself become an incredibly unhealthy person when I grow up. I suppose thats the way it is. I suppose this is what i get for who i am and the traits i possess.

Aite, test time,
Airik

Lemme start up the entry with a variety of music today. Hopefully theres something for everybody today.
~~~ Morcheeba - Part of the Process ~~~ Yes, more chill for the soul...definitely not the best of the best stuff....but its aite.
~~~ Remy Shand - Take a Message ~~~ I like this song alot...definitely its the vocals...its wacky...i think he's canadian, his music reminds me of david usher..
~~~ Ataris - Life Makes No Sense ~~~ Punk band. Punk Song. Always keep the boat rocking.

Lots of shit jumping the grounds these days......yes, phyfound is definitely a major stress factor of the break (haha..explains why i'm up here now)....I guess my break didn't run as smoothly as my others.....i guess i'm just not the procrastinator type, play first work later doesn't work too well with me.......i need to have it the other way around, work first play afterwards has always been part of my plans...
Its all good tho, i mean, i've been slacking and hanging all spring so far.....every weekend has been an adventure on its own.....i guess i didn't understand that the power is in my hands every single day every single moment...its what you make of it really......i think about it, and i realize i wasted a lotta weekends sitting around during my sophmore year.......but yeah, after this coming week, i'll be a bird again.....free as can be til my exams during may.....hey man, i'm not complaining, thats a month and a half of more adventures..

I really don't know where to start, cuz every single thing is quite worth talking about........hmmm......yeah whateva, its not important...i'll talk my talk and you read what you read...
I've been thinking whether i should start a xanga.......there are quite a few things that are stopping me tho, first thing for sure is that i've been blogging on blogger.com for like the longest time already......y start all over again??......i've wrote enough to make the scroller on my site very sensitive to scrolling down the entries (hehe....really takes a while to scroll now)...........so you might ask?? why do i want to make a xanga??......thats a very goood question.....definitely eprops is something i enjoy to have, haha...i can find out what other ppl think...wasn't that something i've always been searching for?? reader input??.......another thing i like a lot is definitely the easier posting of pictures on the site....ok, maybe i did figure out how to do it on my blog too...but believe me, it takes a long friggin while......especially when i need to find my own online disk space and need to go through a whole lotta formatting and telnet sessioning.....its just not worth it unless i feel like my blog would just start rot and smell if i didn't make the pic post..........seriously, i'm faced with a dilemma here.......always always, the pros and cons..........hmmmm, well, i'm definitely not gonna do it now...i'd waste another couple hours of studying time.......so i guess blogger.com wins today.............Oh, and one other thing....i can add my friends xanga onto mine??...good thing, i can get more hits......bad thing, a lotta people use it to show they're the most popular people in the world (and yes, i've seen some idiotic long lists out there)....

HAha.....I've definitely seen some random xangas out there......some rare ones are good (definitely enjoy reading).......some don't have much time put into them (fine with me, some people just aren't into things like this).........and finally, some just aren't very interesting (yes, i've actually seen quite a couple).......
So here, i'm gonna give my readers some tips upon what i think helps to make good blogs/diaries (hehe):

1. Write Long Paragraphs - This is probably the biggest error i've noticed so far......but when i say long paragraphs, i don't mean long entries.....theres a difference here.....it seems to me that a lot of people write extremely short paragraphs.....they're usually only 2-3 lines long......the problem with writing short paragraphs is that it just doesn't give the reader enough background information about what you're trying to say......i often find these paragraphs extremely vague and it often includes a lot of imagination to feel what is being expressed....it would be a lot better if they were elaborated on.........I think there are also lot lot more reasons to write long paragraphs...but i'll stop here, my point is made......not extremely long paragraphs, but at least a little more for the reader other than 'i've had a lot of work these days....i've been working on blah and blah....and i've been very tired'........believe me, that is not interesting!!.......

2. Write about simple things - I guess this does overlap a little onto how smart you are in capturing little things in your life........i've often found that very very simple daily routines, moments, interactions are very interesting to read about.......seriously, i look at my desk right now.......i see a water bottle, my cell phone, my pencil case......if i don't have writers block right now (which i don't), i can go on and on about just one of these things..........so yep, simple things can be very interesting to read......material/fact/event is less important than how you write it.....you do not need to live a rock star life to write a rocking entry.....

3. Definitely be yourself - don't write to show the world you have a new significant other.......don't write to prove to the world how smart you are.......its all in the heart, i'm not saying you can't be happy that you have a new significant other....but boasting, trying to become another person you are not is a NO........so don't do it.....plus, people often see through it rather than you being able to fool them with your entry.....

4. Variation? - I can't tell if this is really something that'll make your diary/blog a lot more interesting......i mean, you can be good at writing lyrics, and i wouldn't have a problem to only read lyrics everytime i see a new entry.........but i dunno, i like variation.....include chats, links, reviews of music or movies, updates, theories, pictures, surveys, biographies, etc.....the possibilities are endless really......

5. No surveillance - I made a huge mistake of having to add that into my blog for a period of time.....and it seriously scares readers away......i guess some people like privacy and like to surf anonomous (ok, don't care about spelling)........they don't like to come back for updates if they know they are being watched.......i guess site meters are fine....but not stuff that lets know you exactly when and who came into your site.......

6. Write Simple - Ok...maybe i don't quite perfect in this tip either.....i often feel like my writing or english is a burden to my blog.......but its definitely important that your reader would understand what you are trying to express.........and of course, don't write in code!!....don't write entry after entry in another language unless the diary was written for those that understand it only.........you ask why??....erm...maybe cuz its not very readable?

*Phew*....and i did not write about what i really wanted to......haha...all good...

Airik

I hate dental marathons. They stink up your smelly ass. Man, tis what i get for not cleaning my teeth a full 2min everynite and morning....half my mouth is so friggin numb rite now i can't even tell whether my mouth is dry or i'm drooling into my nice white sweater.....this sucks....
On a good note, I won't have to go back for dental care for a long while....hehe...supposedly my mouth is brand new right now....any of you ladies wanna check it out ^^

~~~ Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Can't Stop ~~~......these ex-heroin addicts are still on a roll.....can't stop listenning to their music....

Around 10 years ago, back when i was still a dorky geeky tasteless kid in primary school, I learned a valuable lesson. As stupid as it was or I was then, theres this incident back at GS int'l school that I've still kept lying around deep inside somewhere in my head......I still remember how friggin useless those teachers were back then, academically they don't give a crap about the well being of the child....they had their favourites and they had those that were thought to be only stupid kids of rich parents.......but anyhow, yeah, if i recall...it was Mrs. Lindau....she was some fat white women...she always had like an angry face with her and she had big big saggy breasts........i remember she'd stress the importance of reading the questions before you started your test...math, english, socials, whateva....it didn't matter what subject....i remember she'd tell us to read the question thoroughly before we jumped into answering the questions (back then, the time you had to answer questions seemed more important).......but yeah, i always thought i knew what i was doing back then, i always thought i read the question before i started to write my answer....
So one day, Mrs. Lindau came in....and she gave us a test-like excercise.....it was a long list of very tedious questions....it was something like this:

#1 Read all the questions before you start the test
#2 What is 34.34 * 53 and adding 10 to it?
#3 What is (24-32)*3 minus the date today?
#4 What is #2 + #3 * 3?
....
....
...
....
#29 What is 3+4?
#30 Just complete question 29 and write your name at the top of the page.

I still remember, nearly everybody, especially all the azn kids would rush through test answering all questions as quicky as possible.........haha....you could tell all the smarter azn kids were just workin at an incredibly fast pace (of course, including dumb lil me)........So when time was up, after 30mins of so, everybody was just only half way through the list......and Mrs. Lindau pointed out that there were only 1-2 kids that were bright enough to read through all the questions like it said in question #1, and completed the test by answering question #29 only.....
This sounds stupid as hell......but it meant a lot to me......i felt sooooo stupid.....i felt like that was the most fundamental trick to play on me.....its real funny, cuz my whole class has grown up now...i still know most the class back in the day....and its just crazy to know that we were all so idiotic back then, all losers in our own little world.........and now, its just like, we're all so grown up....all somewhat still on our tracks.....we all know so much better.....its just crazy to look back at all of us as a group, all young intelligent beings of our age and class, we were all idiotic like that....

Its funny tho, when you finally enter college after highschool, you realize there are so many ppl out there that are missing such basic fundamentals.....Its sad to know that they are so ignorant of these basics.......i suppose that only reveals the difference between the deem and the ng deem...


I may not have done the best ever, but i know my intentions are correct:

(3:41:53 AM) ev: its cuz the real heroes dont seek recognition
(3:43:24 AM) ev: heroes are always tragic
(3:43:38 AM) kamikaze: that’s what defines a hero isn’t it?
(3:43:49 AM) ev: i think so. heroes always sacrifice
(3:44:06 AM) ev: and in the end, it often happens that nobody knows of it but themselves
(3:44:22 AM) kamikaze: that’s what you call larger than life man, that’s why they’re heroes
(3:45:08 AM) ev: it sux to be a hero


Aite.

I love the lil azn girl in Missys new VDO~~~Shes hot shit!!!

Instruction Set #1 "Self Whitewash":
1. Find a big thick pile of snow
2. Stand 5 meters away from it
3. Run towards it
4. Dive superman style
5. Roll completely around twice

Definitely something you must try with the crew.....mad jackass style....gives you a great adrenaline rush.....those would know...haha..

blahblahblah....i guess i just feel like typing at the spurt of this moment.....i dunno what i'd like to come up to talk about...but yeah, i'm up here.....and i'm typing as i watch characters pop up on the screen...its sorta cool actually....i'm just sitting back, and just thinking about stuff....typing what i feel or want to say is sorta second nature rite now....hehe...a lil crazy talk to start off my entry....or should i say, hopefully an entry??

eh....say something......(silence)..........nuthin to say......eh.......how about whats on my mind??.......nuthin....hahaha....

i don't feel like bitchin about anything rite now.......theres nuthin to bitch about....lifes been cool for the past couple weeks, just working......taking it all a step at a time...well, actually, a week at a time....its been all good.....spending my free time on the 3 most absorbing activites of all time....TV, music, chatting....yep.......its great....definitely not the best life to live, but i suppose thats what college is all about....getting educated for the 'real money' in this world........i guess i'm gettin the good dosage here......its good to know my time and my family's money isn't being wasted on nuthing.........yep......those that say college is the best time of your life are only those that have shitty jobs.......hehe....
ok....i sorta just blabbered a pointless paragraph....i hate those types of paragraphs......its sorta like the movie "25th hour".....there are good parts here in there, but in the end, its absolutlely pointless...............i suppose some ppl enjoy pointless movies, paragraphs......i'm definitely not one of them.......

vday is coming...i'm waiting on my cookies =))))).......soft pls!!........hahha.....its cool, i'll probably have one cookie.......but it'll be awesome.....somehow, i find that so cool...its so sweet......i dunno.....haha......i have this awesome idea to post a do-it-yourself 'airik' vday gift for everybody to make at home......but that'd spoil stuff for ppl, i guess it won't make it up here this year.....maybe next time.......however, if you're my friend, msg me about it (yes both M/F are fine..its an act of friendship)....and i'll make sure i let you know the details....

aiteout.

~~~ My Friends - Red Hot Chilli Peppers ~~~ tis song for my bros.....it for the "fui" society....but i think our teenage depressions are over already by now...anywayz, i got this one down on my guitar for you guyz....

~~~ Fila Brazilia - Nightmare on Wax ~~~....probably one of FB's finest songs.....its real downtemp, so recommended for those that like that stuff only...

haha...not bothered to blog now...

Ec4K: did you have snow day yesterday?
Ec4K: we had snow day over here
Sukendar: yeah nasty
Ec4K: yep
Ec4K: it was
Sukendar: still eat snow with gatorade?
Ec4K: hahahah
Ec4K: ......
Ec4K: i told you that?
Sukendar: man, you eat that on the way back to crossley from gym
Sukendar: i was like "shit man, we're around nuclear area"
Ec4K: oh shit
Ec4K: haha
Ec4K: its good yo
Ec4k: ging jeng ging jeng ar..
Sukendar: .......
Sukendar: nuclear snow
Ec4K: ......
Ec4K: gum doh duk?

My Baby

I missed my baby. Its been a while since i last time i gave it a good stroking. The last time being december 7th 2002...when its strings snapped on me.....Now that my break is over, the bridge is fixed and its strings have been replaced.......its once again in the hands of its beholder!!! Playing the guitar is in some ways very similar to playing basketball...there are good days and bad days......sometimes the chords and notes feel ever so fresh....you know, feel and hear that you're just rocking the house with it in your hands.......its like being 'in the zone' when you play bball......everything all of a sudden becomes so easy to execute.....you play with perfect timing...you can hear what the guitar will do long before it screams out of the amplifier.......
All throughout the Christmas and all of Jan 03'...i've been playing an acoustic....i suppose it was good technique training........the strings are stiffer......the notes are harder to play.....i suppose the acoustic is a more sturdy, edgier and down to earth guitar compared to the electric......so for the first time, in nearly two months, i plugged in my electric and rocked!!........i was just killin it.......
For those that don't know......i have a sorta glossy purple guitar.....its an Ibanez SA 170.....it has an ultra thin fretboard and neck.....the radius of the neck is really small, which allows for very comfortable soloing.....i've definitely been accustomed to it by now........its weight, its finish, its feel..........i love it.

~~~ Always with me Always with you - Joe Satriani ~~~....for guitar crazes only......

A lots been around yo. Time is gone in a blink of an eye. Weekdays have been just packed with school, getting my life in order and getting as much sleep as i can in between. While over the weekends, i bum around and i sit at my desk trying to get my work done ready for my next jackass weekend. That'd be presidents day weekend.....hehe...

My parents just left his morning. Damn, if only i had a digital camera, i absolutely need a "before and after" fridge pic...hehe.....i swear i am stocked up......i have everything to keep me alive for the rest of the semester....
Talking about my parents, i think they had a decent stay at Baltimore this week....Haha......I don't talk to my dad as often as i do to my mom, but I just realized over the week that my dad is like da shit.....seriously......like, he doesn't give a f*** about anything other than what he does.....in many ways, i think he's sorta like how ozzy osbourne functions.....he's rich, he can do whateva he wants...........all he does is make money (music in ozzys case)......its funny cuz he can't do anything else without taking the longest time to figure out how stuff works.......he's normally sooooo slow, but he's just like *clicked* when it comes to work......seriously, i just watch him at home....and he's just living and enjoying what he's worked for his whole life.........I wanna be like that someday......even if it means to lose most of the other aspects of my life.....i can simply just chill.......my mom is like the no.1 house wife of all.....shes dedicated to keeping the family together and she basically does what a man would want a women to do........shes home when you're home......she's out taking care of her stuff and not bothering you while you're at work......man......thats cool.......to be fully dedicated til the point you lose control of other stuff...which is 'alrite' cause you are supported by your full dedication........i'd like to be like that maybe 20 years later.....

We own such radical minds......its crazy.......a while back, volcom 3 and i were just talking.....and i mentioned how our minds control so much of what we feel......the best example being the "sitting in class theory" (haha..more airik theory)......like you know how you often get real tired and unfocused towards the end of the class.....this is the thing......why always towards the end of class??.......if we sit through a 50min class, you often don't look at your watch (starting to feel unfocused) until at least the 30-40min point.........while if you're sitting at a 3 hour class, you almost always don't look at your watch til at least after an hour is through.......doesn't make sense rite?.....don't we normally lose concentration depending on time and material we study??.........inside our minds, we always get mentally prepared for what is to come.........so what if we live life without such restrictions??....what if we goto a 50min class with a mind set that is prepared to sit for 3 straight hours??......then would we sit through class focused all the way til you're told class is over?!

Theres this imaginary girl in my mind. I'm starting to believe that she'll never exist in my life. Shes cute, shes fine, and best of all she see things so differently...its as if i sometimes feel like i live parallel lives she does.........some of you that know me might know what i'm talking about.....its like the total package......top to bottom....outside inside....backside frontside..........shes not the type that might just happen to walk by you yesterday or last week.......i'm talkin about the type that you probably wouldn't meet in just one life time.....life is too short.....those that you meet are too random..........i'll know if i ever stumble across this girl....i'd feel it deep inside, and i wouldn't be embarrassed to go up to her, say 'hi' and truly be myself........this no girl that you just hold onto for spiritual, emotional, sexual or physical support.....

Airik.

yesyesyes....first of all...music for those that only visit this site for that purpose.....erm....i got time....i'll try to drop a couple...

~~~ You Don't Miss Your Water ('Til The Well Runs Dry) - Craig David ~~~....yesyesyes..its CD again...i actually got his new album the 1st week it came out...i just never spent the time to listen to the whole thing.........tiz actually a pretty good CD, don't understand why he aint getting much MTV and radio time for it.....

~~~ Take me away (into the night) - 4 Strings ~~~.....i'm out of the trance scene already........i'm sure every clubber has heard of this club-hit millions of times and thinks its cheesy as hell.....but whateva.....

~~~ Heavy Metal Drummer - Wilco ~~~....i've always wanted to put this song up.....its good....its rock...aint got much to say about it....

~~~ Norah Jones ~~~ errrrr.......get the album...its all recommended...haha......

I think i'm still in la-la land.....the past month has just been awesome.....it just gets better and better....seriously....the last of which was chinese new year at NYC....haha....yes, its in my blog now......lei tiu yau....ging cheat.......haha...and double S...ging wan winning11.....haha....ging jeng ging jeng...ging diu....
I haven't been that trashed in a while man.....i swear to god....if i recall that last time was at LA last summer?!.......my drive back to skool felt like an hour or so......i was hung over and i phased out most the trip......eventhough my pockets are pretty much dry by now, i had an "awesome" (yes, awesome!~!) time......and of course, thank those that made it such a wonderful time for me.....

I'm happy with the way i am as of now. My confidence is back and Mr. nice guy is gone. I feel like i've pretty much gotten rid of my ji-bai shit by now. Eventho I'm in a lotta ways a lot more not caring now, when it comes down to it, i'm living a life i'm happy with. And that matters. I'd rather spend more time talking and doing what i want to do rather than having to stop and realize how vunerable i'd be if i did it.

Its funny to know that since my trip back to hongkong, i've suddenly gotten so much closer back with my azn connection. Listenning to chinese music, reading entertainment magazines, speaking and chatting in chinese......even my blog aint exactly the same.....i used to hardly use chinese syllables when i write......i'm glad i've unknowingly made this change.......i seriously didn't realize i was so "american" before the holidays.....

Mommy and Daddy will be here tomorrow. Soooo hectic, a visit after another. Doesn't stop does it?

Congrats to my bitch. another new point of interest. haha. Yep, Umaryland.

AIRIK.

oh, yeah...She f**** hates me. hehe.

ok...i'm finally back at skool....to be more precise, i'm back at skool and classes have started......to be even more precise, i'm back at school and classes have started for 2 big days already......

I had a crazy holiday. It was awesome (haha...awesome this awesome that)......it was a hella an adventure i suppose.........3 weeks back in hongkong just doing my thing .....getting my life back into order i call it......lesson learned: never ever ever leave your home like that again!!!.........and everybody was telling me i was crazy for not going home......i think i finally realize what they mean by that now........
so yeah...there was sorta an attempt to blog this one time on christmas day......it was hard.....it was spilt milk.....i had nuthin to blog about...and what i did think about did not cut into blog.......you know, the "keep it private" stuff........i propose i turn into another person everytime i go back to hongkong.........so much more outgoing, less emotional, less in touch with feelings, more energetic, more wild....all in all, its a different me........i think i like hongkong airik slightly more......i'm more confident, less caring about the details......
And i thought there was no such better place than my room back at home.....nah-nah-nah.....i think my apartment at skool now stands a good fight...or maybe its better?!....one thing for sure, i feel like i'm in no better place to be when i'm home in my apartment or in my room in hongkong.......i feel so free.....its awesome to feel like you're safe and sheltered away from the darkness lingering in this world.....just being alone or hanging out with "those friends".......you know who you are...

1st week of holiday was just shocking. I couldn't speak cantonese properly, i couldn't communicate properly....i felt like i had tape across my mouth.........i wouldn't know how to react to things...i wouldn't know what to say.........i mean, seriously....wtf?!!..........thats not cool man......thats not me in my world.......i felt like everything was just so ahead of me.....fashion.....people....technology.....bars...clubs...........it got a hella lot better towards the end of the holiday....after a trip to tokyo.....hanging out with the same bunch.... again, lesson learned: go home from now on!!!

TRIP TO TOKYO W/ FAMILY...=)))))))))))) period

All sorts of trips before skool started..........mad jackass.....ging jeng!! chiu jeng!!.......pittsburgh, boston, nyc........nyc again this weekend?!...hey, its chinese new year!!

I think i lost my thing for music.....hopefully it'll return this semster.....but sad enough, i can't write no more....i don't feel the music in my bones anymore........not that i don't like it, but i'm not as interested as i used to be......was it just a phase??........i don't listen to it as much as i used to anymore.....

HongKong is not for the weak hearted. This holiday, i realized how others in hongkong feel about things i never used to before. Is it becuz i grew up? Or is it becuz i've changed from my long absent from home? Sometimes when you feel like its so hard to do something the first couple times you do it, you don't understand you're only a step away from having it come together where it all makes sense. The later you try to make it work, the harder it becomes....and at some point...you give up. I feel like i fought a long battle this holiday.

okok..its getting late....blah....nite ppl.

~~~ Air - Playground Love ~~~

Erik.