Monday, April 28, 2003

~~~ Overseer - Horn Dog ~~~ Mitsubishi Endeavor Electronica

Sunday, April 27, 2003

Tired....argh......did somebody say spring fair weekend??.....although i still got tomorrow to check it out, I haven't had a chance to walk by the quads nor drop by beer garden all weekend....too much work!!.....all packed before exam period.....all of a sudden I'm wondering what the hell exam period is for when most professors try to schedule their courses to be completed before exam period??.......But anywayz, yeah, I spent nearly a whooping 9 hours on design team stuff yesterday and 7 hours on it today??....what the hell is going on??...and we're meeting back up again tomorrow??
Its been a while since I've gotten little to no sleep. I managed to squeeze in 3 hours last nite after design team and Chui and Chuangs birthday drinking nite (yes, and got mad tired *blink* and passed the 'F' out afterwards eventho it'd fuck my sleep schedule up) .....I guess the reason why I say I haven't done it in a while is cause I'm not a crunch time student anymore....I don't study hard the nite before midterms, exams....I don't stay up for papers, projects before its due......I'd probably sound like a mad nerd or retardly uptite, but I usually plan to finish studying or writing my paper at least a day or two before the last day thinking I'd have more than enough time if I figured more needs to be done (although, its not usually the case, and on the last day I'm somehow always chilling and doing something else)......but yeah, I've had a weird weekend....its spring fair and I'm too occupied to even walk by....even missed the blackalicious concert.....*sigh*.....

YEY! more week of school.....its probably gonna be a hectic next 5 days of studying, hwking, labbing...but it'll be a lot more chill afterwards....I'll have a lil more than a week to study for the final chapter of seriously feels like I've taken that course and its lab for the longest longest time......its like a weekly lecture, lab, homework committment........pretty intense compared to the rest of the courses I've taken here.......its a one year course, and they make sure every damn lecture its filled up with material...not a day of that class goes by easily........seriously, the amount they teach is more like 3-4 courses instead of 2 courses over the year....
But anywayz, HELLz YEAH!....i'm done with it with 100% attendance....well, I soon will be.......probably one of the biggest BME challenges to overcome throughout the degree....its good to know I overcame hell in one of its purest forms...

I still need to spend more time to make sure..but I recently got the new Tosca CD while I was at NYC last weekend. I personally think the main album aint as strong as the previous, but the package also comes with a session CD.....and I thought that was one damn special CD I've heard in my life.......its a CD with a full set of tracks, its very very quite.....every once so often there would be soft piano chords played........its crazy, I felt mad peace when I heard it....i suppose its the type of stuff you'd want to listen only when you're alone......the first time i heard it I was driving, and I felt like I was in another world......a world completely if everything became silent all of a sudden........its as if you suddenly turned deaf, there is no sound from anywhere.........nuthing except for the silence from the was a crazy experience........I ended up parked at the parking lot for my music lesson and I spent the next 15mins staring out into the blue sky through the open roof in my car while the CD played.....i dunno....i sound crazy...but the CD is even worse.....
~~~ Tosca - Dehli 9 (Session CD) ~~~

Aite. BACK 2 WORK.

Thursday, April 24, 2003

HAha...with absolute no permission from Silent S, I will steal an exert from his internet diary and put it into mine ( know how much time that saves?!):

then it continue with a weird thursday where the weather drop 20 degrees, cold.. some school field trip that makes us tired and ended up blazin "strawberry-haze" with min at the wrong staircase.. hit so quick, was gonna go home but decided to call chuck and christine for dinner, we ate dinner, heard monkey was coming to town, and have weird moment looking for some grass by "aim"ing all people we know, and ended up blazin some more.. go back home for some 7am mcD's breakfast

friday go to school, got permission to leave a lil early.. get sm's car, he got ripped off again by some hag guai, went shopping, got a watch with an artificial intelligent that told me "when am i going to get laid?" walk around the village, heard erik's news and my nightmare at the same time..(yo man, even though you makin me fui, i really thank you for telling me that shit..), go karaoke feeling guilty, sing norah jones, sing john mayer, yum and siu-siu blaze, go home for another mcD's 7am breakfast..

saturday.. mo blaze mo yum, played a lil pool, cheuk got some fever (i thought it was SARS yo), but he was so gangster - decided to get bubble tea and watch "phone booth"... shit movie with one good 'very-touching' moment... (tears for real).. go home and late avocado ham with muenster cheese toasted bread sandwich... rest..

*** BTW, SM = Space Monkey, and no thats not ME!!!...wuhahahaha...***

Yep, although I wouldn't agree with SS about everything he writes about, and neither would I have phrased things the same way he did.....I wanted to slip it into my diary....haha....tiz crazy talk....but its like a diary integration....diaries event that included the two of us.......but anywayz, yeah, awesome weekend...

I feel like i'm being pulled both ways.
I know people that are on the right track every single moment, they always have a master plan on the table, always doing the right thing and working hard at it. On the other hand, I also know people that are always chilling, they're always living life as it is, just living it up and getting through it...they seem like they live every moment for what it is. Sometimes I feel like theres such a big gap in between. Its either you're mad extreme into getting shit right, or you're just being a normal person. I feel like I don't completely belong on either side, I act and live wanting the best of both worlds. I feel like I want to be everything, I want to experience it all. It makes me feel like I have one of each feet of mine on a different boat. It doesn't quite feel the same, but its metaphorically sorta like being in the middle between being an ABC and being a FOB. Its like, you enjoy both worlds, but you're not quite on either side...and that sometimes becomes a disadvantage on its own. Its like you're this certain thing, but not really....

Talking about being the middle (in what I call the gray matter)...I am faced with a dilemma these dayz.....ok 'fui' lah.......the best way to put it i suppose is "a desire unfulfilled may be the most satisfying".....i suppose some things are better staying a cheuk says, what it comes down to is always the balance between the pros and cons for me:

I see fire
In the midst, I see dreams
I foresee torture without death
I'm not ready to fly neither drop
May the goddess reach out her hand
I beg for neither heaven nor hell
All I want is peace
All I want is what I can't have

I need options
I want a way out
I can cry no tears, and all pain
May the goddess reach out her hand
Lift me up high, and not watch me fall
I speak to save you from the same
So let my prayers begin
Let the hopes become miracles

gonna bball again,

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Its time for me to start think about graduate school. Where do I wanna go? What do I want to study?....What am I gonna do after I graduate at the end of 2003? Work? Bum? Travel? Hmmmmm.....I feel both old and I feel l like none of my friends are going through the same stuff I am....all you stupid idiots.....fai di graduate lah....
I think I'd like to goto Stanford or Columbia for FE tho (uh-huh, thats if i get in!!....).........but yeah, life will go on if I don't....I think I'm pretty good at accepting the reality, plus, I feel like aiming at top universitys thats what I get for my sorta ego...
Anywayz, seriously tho...I feel so damn old......I hear about kids that are still deciding where to go for undergrad and I instantly feel like I should be there too.....I'm not old...still yet to become 20.....and I'm planning to graduate?!!......I feel like I'm ahead....or maybe i actually am?!....haha....this sounds a lil stupid, but part of me actually wants to stay back and hang around.......

Gonna work out and bball more in a while......its becoming a habit.....or should i say a habit revisited??....yep, its all coming back to me.....its been a while since I've felt that complexity in playing sports and doing excercise......I guess i always understood it, but just hadn't had time to experience it again.........hahha......yeah, what it comes down to is that I used to have a lotta work..........I felt like I always had work to be completed (and I actually did) before...but now its just like, I have everything on top of......the funny thing is, I never realized college was chill like that.....i never realized I was one (among the rest of the nerds) of the only ones that spent so much time getting my school work and all that together.....only til now, I found out there was so much time to chill, rest and do what I want to do.......

Not gonna post music, check previous two entries for stuff. I suppose make sure you chek out 'Weekend Players - Jericho'....thats a huge one.

Gonna bounce.
"I don't want to be a liability. I want to live life and be an asset of the people around me."

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

I'm happy.
This semester went by in a blink of an eye. I suppose half the reason is cuz I've had an awfully easy semester, and the other half is cuz I've made the most out of my time throughout. I feel like theres nothing better to be happenning right now...I'm satisfied, I will accept it and make the best out of it.
Two weeks of school left, two exams left. In a way, I want the school year to end..but in another, I don't want it to. I don't know what I'll be doing when its over. Hopefully something fun and exciting =) Won't be able to go home yet, so i'll be hanging around...prob in the states, maybe Vancouver?!.......
I'll be staying in school for July tho (damn chem lab 2!!).....dammit......graduating early wasn't initially part of the plan, so I'll have to suck it up.....I guess I'll get my GRE's done with then too....

~~~ Spooks - Karma Hotel ~~~ its...erhh...erh...gothic?!!......haha......its hip hop...its one of those narrated story songs.....
~~~ Royksopp - Remind Me, Eple, poor Leno ~~~ I like these guyz a lot...its dreamy german electronica......their album "Melody A.M" is awesome...
~~~ Lemon Jelly - Come ~~~ I think I mentioned lemon jelly before.....they're a very funky downtempo group..
~~~ The Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK ~~~
~~~ Morcheeba - Blindfold ~~~

Spring fair, beer garden and the whole lot is coming around this weekend....ahhhh.....i'm like anti-alcohol rite now....I think about that stufff and it reminds me to go back to the toilet bowl......I think I over did it last weekend......I did not hold back at all......hehe......although I also think I accomplished my primary goal for the nite......its awesome tho, I like heading to NYC for I always say over and over again, its all about who you're with.....the rest are only bonuses.......anyhow, yeah, will be back to update about how it ends up this weekend....

lost my voice over the weekend again,

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Once Again, I ponder about the number of people that read my blog. Especially those that I do not know read it, are you one of them??

~~~ 7L and Esoteric - Watch Me ~~~ Hiphop. Chek the artist. Its the best I've seen in a while.
~~~ Morcheeba - Undress Me Now ~~~ Chill Dream Downtempo w/ vocals.
~~~ Weekend Players - Jericho ~~~ "I hear your voice coming out to reach me...."

I feel like whatever I talk about is going to be very biased. I feel like my mind is not clear. Its as if certain directional neurons in my head are being constantly stimulated so that I am overrided to think only in one direction (haha...way too much BME for me). I constantly tell myself I need to keep myself on my feet. Its only for the good, I shall not let myself wander into the deep space.
I've been working out and playing basketball a lot more often these days. Thats definitely been very successful, it makes me feel alive, it keeps me focused, it keeps me busy for the day and tired when I rest. I enjoy complete days, I enjoy a day filled with activities, typically with some variation..... some school, some excercise, kicking back a little, and all sorts of other things.

I enjoy life. I appreciate. Joe, Chuang, Dave and I were just discussing a couple days ago about our normal daily happiness state. We were rating our normal daily happiness on a scale from 1-10 (5 being neither happy nor unhappy), and I rated myself a 7. Everybody seemed to be pretty surprised, but I was glad to think of myself as that happy normally. A year ago I would of probably rated myself a 4-5ish, and another year ago, I would've probably rated myself a 3. Yeah, pretty depressed well being, if i recall, I thought pretty pessimisitic. Everything concluded with 'life sucks, suck it up'.
I have realized though, our moods rely on our outlook and not upon what is happenning or going on in our lives. Its all about your attitude towards things. In many ways I could be judged as biased (I should technically be a 5 normally)...but I don't care as long as its doing me good =) I guess I just don't see a reason to be normally unhappy, while I see a reason to be happy because I'm not unhappy.....alritealrite, enough crazy talk....
What would you rate yourself?

Its a good week.

Friday, April 11, 2003

I'm a very extreme person. When I set my mind to something, nothing can stop me.... I have the tendencies to focus intensively on things that I like......when I'm on about something, thats all that goes through my head day in day out.......Its sorta cool....haha....i like this trait.....i tend to become very absorbed with my numbs me out from the rest of the world......
I've been having some intense bball session over the past week.....I felt like I've been such a bum for the past couple weeks since I broke my hand.....normally, I don't care about how I physically look (i don't want to be buff and stuff, i think i look better being a tall skinny azn) but I've recently felt that I'm starting to get out of shape.....although I'm skinny, I felt like I was starting to get a little flabby.......and that drove me to move my ass to get those workouts.....yesterday, I played 4 hours straight of back to back full court....from 8pm - 12pm....pretty crazed stuff.....I haven't done that in a while...last time being at least 3 years ago or something......But yeah, I came home and looked at myself in the mirror in satisfacation.....haha.....i can see an end to my bball sessions again til I feel like a bum....
I had an all day xenosaga last weekend (10am-1am). I'm over with video games, but I somehow still amaze myself once a in while how I can still somehow get into a game like that.....Maybe i can pull another this weekend, i'm pretty free this month til exams long as i get to work tonite or tomorrow i suppose....

~~~ Jay-Z feat. Eminem - Renegade ~~~ I dunno where this came was in my mp3 folder....its prob an old song?!
~~~ Our Lady Peace - Clumsy ~~~ I like OLP a lot.....this was probably one of their first hits...
~~~ At 17 - ÄãÓÐ×Ô¼ºÒ»Ì× ~~~ I heard this song on the radio over the christmas in HK and instantly loved it....the vocals aren't anything special or anything but i thought the song was mad chill......mad props for making cantonese stuff that doesn't sound the same......oh and also, one of them is Jons cousin.....although, i've seen them in real life personally...they seemed to me like they were just any normal random HK girls....

I don't normally put lyrics other than my own on this site cuz I think it wastes too much space.....I rather fill up my blog with stuff I write, but I'll make an exception today:

"What It Is To Burn" - Finch

Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Today is fine, and she burns
Today is fine, and she burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Aite, gonna grab a beer and watch the Kings vs. Lakers game.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

I figured its been a while since I've recommended any of my recent playing on winamp Mp3' chek it:

~~~ Finch - What is it to burn ~~~ pretty hardcore song.....pretty angry.....i suppose those that don't enjoy heavy rock to skip this one.......I dunno, I like it a lot tho....its very powerful...its very emotional...
~~~ Port of Notes - (You are) more than paradise ~~~ Its been a while since I've listenned to them....erm....thanx btw......
~~~ Stanley Huang - Circus Monkey, Help ~~~ This dude is my rock version of david tao......I don't know anything about him other than that these songs are good...
~~~ Vines - Outtathaway! ~~~ I like grunge a lot....I think both these guyz and Nirvana both do a great job at that....
~~~ Mr. Scruff - Cheeky ~~~ Yep, downtempo....He happenned to be spinning at the chill room at a big rave I was at a long time ago...missed out on him tho...

I'd probably sound like a sick fool to you for mentioning this...but I was introduced to the term 'hot plate' a couple days ago by chuang and joe......hahha....somehow, I really like this term....its pretty gross but I think its incredibly funny.........for those that don't know what it is, its basically wrapping your face with saran wrap....and then have somebody shit on your face.....hahaha.....yeah...its disgusting....pretty good jackass stunt think its funny?? or plain sick??

Anywayz, I've been thinkin about some things I shouldn't be over the past couple get hurt or not is my next question......There aren't that many things in this world that I want and don't reach out to.......I strive to obtain what I want....and I know what I want very well........hmmmmm.....i dunno......its pretty sad....sometimes I feel like such a loser for bending my back to just hope.........I feel like all in all, i'll always stay the loser......
I'm in deep trouble....i know most well out of all people......thats how my life works, its always been that way....nothing ever works out at the same time......its either this or that.....I focus on something and I tend to lose control of the other.....

The SARS is wrecking my home!!...go away! go away!!......Leave my home alone.
I had a dream about being in HongKong last night...was pretty freaky....somehow I badly wanted to go out to do stuff on the streets.....and there were so many crowded areas I had to go through......and I was so freaked out that I would contract the disease........its crazy man.....I was freaked out all dream, cuz I knew I could contract the disease through air..or even through contaminated objects.......I didn't know what the hell was going on...but i remember myself being super consious about everything I did and everywhere I pls go away VIRUS! Otherwise we'll figure out how to wipe you out!!........and definitely leave before the summer starts!


Tuesday, April 08, 2003

I feel peace. Maybe I'm just being a dreamer, but I believe in peace in ones mind. I hope one day this thought will help make this world a better place. I know we are gazillion galaxies away from a world of total peace, but it doesn't stop me from trying to make it happen. It really isn't that hard to be generous. It really isn't too hard to be nice and helpful. I've definitely grown up to be a lot more sensitive person, sometimes even I am shocked at myself upon the things I decide. I never realized as a kid I would ever make decisions for the greater well being unless it were for the benefit of myself. As I once quoted, 'heroes often sacrifice....heroes don't seek recognition'...I'm not trying to say I'm a hero....I simply don't believe in one.....I believe only if everybody lives through these principles will there ever be one....not an individual, but rather beings that live at another level......i suppose if i'm really directed to be more thoughtful as I grow and experience, I hope it will continue forever....I want to know whether I have a limit, whether I will ever say 'stop' and think a bit for myself first......

YEah, i'm gonna be graduating early. Awesome. Hopefully with a math minor too, but if not, i don't care. Although theres always a lot more to learn here, I think i'm pretty done with undergrad....i learned what i need to...i went past all that i must......its time to move on once again......yep, that means one more semester....and i'll be done by 2003 christmas..........haha....shall i congratulate myself?

Now I'm hooked on xenosaga...damn, whats wrong with me...i feel like i'm moving back into my child hood rather than progressing forwards.......


Saturday, April 05, 2003

I traded in my new 'Meteora' Linkin Park CD for the new 'Elephant' White Stripes and Audio Slave CD. I guess I didn't enjoy meteora much. I felt like the whole CD just didn't live upto its expectations. No new sound, and no breakthrough in content. I listenned to the whole CD one track at a time awaiting for the next crazy rap rock ballad to just blow me away, and it failed. I guess that was some sort of disappointment, I was eager to find out that next level these guyz would bring me, and the whole CD was just the same old stuff til the end. Nuthing spectacular, nothing below par.
I guess the only track that moved me was ~~~ Session - Linkin Park ~~~ thats the instrumental DJ track by Mr.Hahn....
Its all good tho, if i'm not mistaken, the White Stripes and Audio Slave albums I got should satisfy my needs. I've been told those are supposedly worth my time.

Haha, I feel like making myself sound like a major geek by stating that I've been hooked onto playing Magic: the Gathering online over the past week. Haha...its tite, and I will stick up to what I like no matter whether it'll stereotype me into a loser geek, nerd or whateva. I am what i am, no shame in who I am and what I like.....Yep, its only smart to live your own flow, don't let the rest of the world change what you want.....Anyhow, all in all, its an awesome game, definitely worth the experience if you haven't played it the game and play unlimited free trials at the magic the gathering website.....

I'm considering graduating half a year early. If my permission to get a math minor is rejected, I'll most probably go ahead and schedule to graduate this coming christmas 2003. If i'll be getting my math minor too, then i'm not sure yet. It'll be hella tough fall 2003, it'll mean a lot of work and pretty much no play. I dunno, saving $18,000 aint really on my parents mind, but I definitely just want to get over with undergraduate college. I guess time will tell, I'll need to make some "decisions" over the next two weeks. To graduate early or not is my question.

~~~ Heaven's Drive - L'arc en ciel ~~~ Hands down, these guyz are my fav......only recently I started to listen to their stuff again, and I was just blown away by the level their music music has developed a lot since the last time I listened to them, I revisited them again and felt like i knew nothing about their music before.......i didn't understand that there was so much more behind what I used to listen to even when i had them playing on my CD player over and over again......i guess maybe its because they're an asian band, they know how to fine tune their music perfectly for my mind......i dunno.....but yeah, this is an all rockers must check out band......I'm confident to say that they'd do crazy well over in America if it weren't that their songs are in japanese...
Oh and yes, they're BACK from rest period!!! They just came out with 3 new compilations!!! I can't wait to hear about them again.


Thursday, April 03, 2003

I want to fly.

I always thought that those that said they wanted wings were such idiots. Its only realistic to live on in our world without wings. But 5 secs ago, i wanted a pair too. I finally felt what they meant when they say they want wings. You want to just fly away, away from this world, away from our life and our constrictions. You want to be somewhere where you can just hide alone without a soul nearby...

I want to be a rock star.

I want to live carelessly. I don't exactly care about my crib, my money. I just want to make music for this world. I want to make music for the masses. I want to be able to create music for others to feel. I want to goto crazy parties and I want everybody to be friendly to me. I want to live a life a day at a time.

I want to be a difference.

I want to be "the somebody else". I don't want to live life as it is. Everyday I wear a barbed wire around my head, it doesn't hurt but its clenched so tight. Its wanting to tell me something, something that nobody knows of except for me. I can't make out clearly what it is, but its my purpose. I feel like I need to resolve it, I feel like I will live painfully for the rest of my life until I unlock this goal. Theres something out there, as important or irrelevant it is to this world, it means everything to me to get it done.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. For the past week, at the end of the day, i feel dead. My eyes strain to see, my mind strains to run. Its pressure?! from what?......from who? for what? for who?.....when you know so well what you want, you tend to stay too focus........when you are too focused, you lose sense of your surroundings......i think i just lost it.

Didn't blog for a week and a half. haha. My past month has seem like a year to me, i wouldn't know where to start. Theres only one thing in my mind, and thats 'live on'.
On a greater note tho, POETRY DEF JAM is one of those things that unexpectedly make it to our lives. If i had to rate this show, I would give it 10/10. Yes, i guess i am being a little lenient here...but when i think about it again, I have nothing negative to say about it, so why shouldn't i give it a 10?? I would appreciate any of you that make it to NYC to spend the time to goto their broadway, I would greatly appreciate such a talented 'real' group get the recognition and support they deserve...........can't believe they came hopkins and i missed their show....i would like to see it again....

Sometimes I feel like my life is entertainment. I feel like my world is entertainment. What is actually called entertainment would i guess be called entertainment within entertainment. Or would it??....hahha...i guess not.....what is called entertainment in our world doesn't always end up to be entertainment, I suppose they should be called time killers....the real entertainment is around us...its in our air....its within everyone of us.......we and our world is our own entertainment......if you dunt think so, think again.......

Summer is coming soon, I feel like I just came back from christmas break. I suppose its cuz so much has been going on since I've gotten back. Always on the run, always in a race to beat time.......(haha...suppose thats why i'm tired...).......but anyhow, yeah, summer is coming....hopefully i'll be able to get through fine (according to history, i normally get through just, work, friends, play...yep)............haha.......somehow i'm reminded about what I was doing exactly during this time last year......EWWW...hated it....hated work......hahaha....I've changed again...grown again......ho crazy whos the final version of me??...infinite version?

I'm tired.