Balancing ideas and delivery

HAha...with absolute no permission from Silent S, I will steal an exert from his internet diary and put it into mine (hehe..you know how much time that saves?!):

then it continue with a weird thursday where the weather drop 20 degrees, cold.. some school field trip that makes us tired and ended up blazin "strawberry-haze" with min at the wrong staircase.. hit so quick, was gonna go home but decided to call chuck and christine for dinner, we ate dinner, heard monkey was coming to town, and have weird moment looking for some grass by "aim"ing all people we know, and ended up blazin some more.. go back home for some 7am mcD's breakfast

friday go to school, got permission to leave a lil early.. get sm's car, he got ripped off again by some hag guai, went shopping, got a watch with an artificial intelligent that told me "when am i going to get laid?" walk around the village, heard erik's news and my nightmare at the same time..(yo man, even though you makin me fui, i really thank you for telling me that shit..), go karaoke feeling guilty, sing norah jones, sing john mayer, yum and siu-siu blaze, go home for another mcD's 7am breakfast..

saturday.. mo blaze mo yum, played a lil pool, cheuk got some fever (i thought it was SARS yo), but he was so gangster - decided to get bubble tea and watch "phone booth"... shit movie with one good 'very-touching' moment... (tears for real).. go home and late avocado ham with muenster cheese toasted bread sandwich... rest..
*** BTW, SM = Space Monkey, and no thats not ME!!!...wuhahahaha...***

Yep, although I wouldn't agree with SS about everything he writes about, and neither would I have phrased things the same way he did.....I wanted to slip it into my diary....haha....tiz crazy talk....but its like a diary integration....diaries intertwined.....an event that included the two of us.......but anywayz, yeah, awesome weekend...

I feel like i'm being pulled both ways.
I know people that are on the right track every single moment, they always have a master plan on the table, always doing the right thing and working hard at it. On the other hand, I also know people that are always chilling, they're always living life as it is, just living it up and getting through it...they seem like they live every moment for what it is. Sometimes I feel like theres such a big gap in between. Its either you're mad extreme into getting shit right, or you're just being a normal person. I feel like I don't completely belong on either side, I act and live wanting the best of both worlds. I feel like I want to be everything, I want to experience it all. It makes me feel like I have one of each feet of mine on a different boat. It doesn't quite feel the same, but its metaphorically sorta like being in the middle between being an ABC and being a FOB. Its like, you enjoy both worlds, but you're not quite on either side...and that sometimes becomes a disadvantage on its own. Its like you're this certain thing, but not really....

Talking about being the middle (in what I call the gray matter)...I am faced with a dilemma these dayz.....ok 'fui' lah.......the best way to put it i suppose is "a desire unfulfilled may be the most satisfying".....i suppose some things are better staying a dream......haha.......as cheuk says, what it comes down to is always the balance between the pros and cons for me:

I see fire
In the midst, I see dreams
I foresee torture without death
I'm not ready to fly neither drop
May the goddess reach out her hand
I beg for neither heaven nor hell
All I want is peace
All I want is what I can't have

I need options
I want a way out
I can cry no tears, and all pain
May the goddess reach out her hand
Lift me up high, and not watch me fall
I speak to save you from the same
So let my prayers begin
Let the hopes become miracles

gonna bball again,
ERik