Wednesday, March 19, 2003

I don't think i've mentioned, but i broke my right hand 2-3 weeks ago.......it sux, its still recovering.....i've only started to type with it late last week, its gonna be a while til i'll be able to play bball or even play the guitar properly like i used to.......

~~~ Another Better Day - Nemo ~~~ get the song @ www.nemorocks.com....their song 'goldfish' is good too!!.....these guyz aren't professional but they know what they're doing........they live a life i'm crazy jealous of.....its definitely one of my dreams come true to do exactly what they are.......oh and also, thxn volcom3 for introducing their music to me a while ago..

~~~ Summer wind was always our song - Ataris ~~~ More punk for the rockers. These guys rock my world.

I'm a dead body on campus today. I'm mentally exhausted from the stress and studying i've put through this week...yep, if you didn't realize, my previous entry was a desperation voice from my mind........after the phyfound midterm, i felt like all the juice from my brain had been squeezed out for the day......i was struggling to stick around til the day was over.........
Its either i'm just paranoid, or i'm changing again.......for a while, its either i've been feeling either very focused or i've been as dead as can be.......i feel like i'm crazy all over again........my mind seems to speak different (and even contradicting) every other day.......and its been very confusing.......my mind seems to be very easily persuaded by my present opinions and arguments.....its driving me nuts........i feel like its post-high day....i feel uneasy about what i'm doing.......
Music has been my only temporary cure thes days.....i feel so alive when i'm listenning to music....i feel like i'm immensed into a whole new world.....you know how your surroundings completely change after you dive underwater?.....i feel just like that except for that my vision is exactly the same......its crazy, its intense....

Spring is here!!! So awesome...hehe...as i mentioned a long time ago, i love summer wear...i love the sun......we've had an awfully long christmas over here in the east...so long that i've seriously forgot about the sun........i completely forgot how warm and nice it can be.........Nite walks on campus are definitely my favourite during the spring.....makes me feel so free......its so refreshing........i feel i probably won't have to drive to class even once, i'd be missing out too much...

k. its late,
Airik.

Tuesday, March 18, 2003

~~~ Evanescence - Bring Me to Life ~~~ Wow...i can feel this song running through my blood....i listen to it, and i feel like i'm living in another dimension....have you ever felt that way when you listen to moving music??

I must admit. I'm stressed. I feel like its a weakness......i feel weak when i tell the world that i'm stressed....but i want to be honest today, i live a life overwhelmed by stress. I live my life wanting to know the unknown......its like a side effect of my 'driven' characteristic......I am driven because I am stressed.........i suppose i do not believe in hope....or to better put it, i feel like i do not want to let hope or luck decide my fate.......i might sound like such a wuss as i complain about the stress i go through.....but, believe it or not, as confident as i am about myself....i know deep inside i'm a crazily stressed out person.......For the past couple days, I've been mentally very sick. And i know for sure what the cause of it is.....its my fukin midterms....and you say SO WHAT?! you let fuckin midterms put you down?!......yeah. To be honest, they have been killing my appetite and I haven't been able to sleep properly for the past week......its not something i can oppose to........i've been waking up often during my sleep and i've been having the most incredibly depressing dreams for a while.........Just today, after i finally decided to fuck sleep, i got up and cooked.....i prepared just another meal, and i had one bite......seriously, one bite all meal......all this self cooked food in front of me....i have one bite and i put it away..........
As i am already, i can see myself become an incredibly unhealthy person when I grow up. I suppose thats the way it is. I suppose this is what i get for who i am and the traits i possess.

Aite, test time,
Airik

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Lemme start up the entry with a variety of music today. Hopefully theres something for everybody today.
~~~ Morcheeba - Part of the Process ~~~ Yes, more chill for the soul...definitely not the best of the best stuff....but its aite.
~~~ Remy Shand - Take a Message ~~~ I like this song alot...definitely its the vocals...its wacky...i think he's canadian, his music reminds me of david usher..
~~~ Ataris - Life Makes No Sense ~~~ Punk band. Punk Song. Always keep the boat rocking.

Lots of shit jumping the grounds these days......yes, phyfound is definitely a major stress factor of the break (haha..explains why i'm up here now)....I guess my break didn't run as smoothly as my others.....i guess i'm just not the procrastinator type, play first work later doesn't work too well with me.......i need to have it the other way around, work first play afterwards has always been part of my plans...
Its all good tho, i mean, i've been slacking and hanging all spring so far.....every weekend has been an adventure on its own.....i guess i didn't understand that the power is in my hands every single day every single moment...its what you make of it really......i think about it, and i realize i wasted a lotta weekends sitting around during my sophmore year.......but yeah, after this coming week, i'll be a bird again.....free as can be til my exams during may.....hey man, i'm not complaining, thats a month and a half of more adventures..

I really don't know where to start, cuz every single thing is quite worth talking about........hmmm......yeah whateva, its not important...i'll talk my talk and you read what you read...
I've been thinking whether i should start a xanga.......there are quite a few things that are stopping me tho, first thing for sure is that i've been blogging on blogger.com for like the longest time already......y start all over again??......i've wrote enough to make the scroller on my site very sensitive to scrolling down the entries (hehe....really takes a while to scroll now)...........so you might ask?? why do i want to make a xanga??......thats a very goood question.....definitely eprops is something i enjoy to have, haha...i can find out what other ppl think...wasn't that something i've always been searching for?? reader input??.......another thing i like a lot is definitely the easier posting of pictures on the site....ok, maybe i did figure out how to do it on my blog too...but believe me, it takes a long friggin while......especially when i need to find my own online disk space and need to go through a whole lotta formatting and telnet sessioning.....its just not worth it unless i feel like my blog would just start rot and smell if i didn't make the pic post..........seriously, i'm faced with a dilemma here.......always always, the pros and cons..........hmmmm, well, i'm definitely not gonna do it now...i'd waste another couple hours of studying time.......so i guess blogger.com wins today.............Oh, and one other thing....i can add my friends xanga onto mine??...good thing, i can get more hits......bad thing, a lotta people use it to show they're the most popular people in the world (and yes, i've seen some idiotic long lists out there)....

HAha.....I've definitely seen some random xangas out there......some rare ones are good (definitely enjoy reading).......some don't have much time put into them (fine with me, some people just aren't into things like this).........and finally, some just aren't very interesting (yes, i've actually seen quite a couple).......
So here, i'm gonna give my readers some tips upon what i think helps to make good blogs/diaries (hehe):

1. Write Long Paragraphs - This is probably the biggest error i've noticed so far......but when i say long paragraphs, i don't mean long entries.....theres a difference here.....it seems to me that a lot of people write extremely short paragraphs.....they're usually only 2-3 lines long......the problem with writing short paragraphs is that it just doesn't give the reader enough background information about what you're trying to say......i often find these paragraphs extremely vague and it often includes a lot of imagination to feel what is being expressed....it would be a lot better if they were elaborated on.........I think there are also lot lot more reasons to write long paragraphs...but i'll stop here, my point is made......not extremely long paragraphs, but at least a little more for the reader other than 'i've had a lot of work these days....i've been working on blah and blah....and i've been very tired'........believe me, that is not interesting!!.......

2. Write about simple things - I guess this does overlap a little onto how smart you are in capturing little things in your life........i've often found that very very simple daily routines, moments, interactions are very interesting to read about.......seriously, i look at my desk right now.......i see a water bottle, my cell phone, my pencil case......if i don't have writers block right now (which i don't), i can go on and on about just one of these things..........so yep, simple things can be very interesting to read......material/fact/event is less important than how you write it.....you do not need to live a rock star life to write a rocking entry.....

3. Definitely be yourself - don't write to show the world you have a new significant other.......don't write to prove to the world how smart you are.......its all in the heart, i'm not saying you can't be happy that you have a new significant other....but boasting, trying to become another person you are not is a NO........so don't do it.....plus, people often see through it rather than you being able to fool them with your entry.....

4. Variation? - I can't tell if this is really something that'll make your diary/blog a lot more interesting......i mean, you can be good at writing lyrics, and i wouldn't have a problem to only read lyrics everytime i see a new entry.........but i dunno, i like variation.....include chats, links, reviews of music or movies, updates, theories, pictures, surveys, biographies, etc.....the possibilities are endless really......

5. No surveillance - I made a huge mistake of having to add that into my blog for a period of time.....and it seriously scares readers away......i guess some people like privacy and like to surf anonomous (ok, don't care about spelling)........they don't like to come back for updates if they know they are being watched.......i guess site meters are fine....but not stuff that lets know you exactly when and who came into your site.......

6. Write Simple - Ok...maybe i don't quite perfect in this tip either.....i often feel like my writing or english is a burden to my blog.......but its definitely important that your reader would understand what you are trying to express.........and of course, don't write in code!!....don't write entry after entry in another language unless the diary was written for those that understand it only.........you ask why??....erm...maybe cuz its not very readable?

*Phew*....and i did not write about what i really wanted to......haha...all good...

Airik

Thursday, March 06, 2003

I hate dental marathons. They stink up your smelly ass. Man, tis what i get for not cleaning my teeth a full 2min everynite and morning....half my mouth is so friggin numb rite now i can't even tell whether my mouth is dry or i'm drooling into my nice white sweater.....this sucks....
On a good note, I won't have to go back for dental care for a long while....hehe...supposedly my mouth is brand new right now....any of you ladies wanna check it out ^^

~~~ Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Can't Stop ~~~......these ex-heroin addicts are still on a roll.....can't stop listenning to their music....

Around 10 years ago, back when i was still a dorky geeky tasteless kid in primary school, I learned a valuable lesson. As stupid as it was or I was then, theres this incident back at GS int'l school that I've still kept lying around deep inside somewhere in my head......I still remember how friggin useless those teachers were back then, academically they don't give a crap about the well being of the child....they had their favourites and they had those that were thought to be only stupid kids of rich parents.......but anyhow, yeah, if i recall...it was Mrs. Lindau....she was some fat white women...she always had like an angry face with her and she had big big saggy breasts........i remember she'd stress the importance of reading the questions before you started your test...math, english, socials, whateva....it didn't matter what subject....i remember she'd tell us to read the question thoroughly before we jumped into answering the questions (back then, the time you had to answer questions seemed more important).......but yeah, i always thought i knew what i was doing back then, i always thought i read the question before i started to write my answer....
So one day, Mrs. Lindau came in....and she gave us a test-like excercise.....it was a long list of very tedious questions....it was something like this:

#1 Read all the questions before you start the test
#2 What is 34.34 * 53 and adding 10 to it?
#3 What is (24-32)*3 minus the date today?
#4 What is #2 + #3 * 3?
....
....
...
....
#29 What is 3+4?
#30 Just complete question 29 and write your name at the top of the page.

I still remember, nearly everybody, especially all the azn kids would rush through test answering all questions as quicky as possible.........haha....you could tell all the smarter azn kids were just workin at an incredibly fast pace (of course, including dumb lil me)........So when time was up, after 30mins of so, everybody was just only half way through the list......and Mrs. Lindau pointed out that there were only 1-2 kids that were bright enough to read through all the questions like it said in question #1, and completed the test by answering question #29 only.....
This sounds stupid as hell......but it meant a lot to me......i felt sooooo stupid.....i felt like that was the most fundamental trick to play on me.....its real funny, cuz my whole class has grown up now...i still know most the class back in the day....and its just crazy to know that we were all so idiotic back then, all losers in our own little world.........and now, its just like, we're all so grown up....all somewhat still on our tracks.....we all know so much better.....its just crazy to look back at all of us as a group, all young intelligent beings of our age and class, we were all idiotic like that....

Its funny tho, when you finally enter college after highschool, you realize there are so many ppl out there that are missing such basic fundamentals.....Its sad to know that they are so ignorant of these basics.......i suppose that only reveals the difference between the deem and the ng deem...


I may not have done the best ever, but i know my intentions are correct:

(3:41:53 AM) ev: its cuz the real heroes dont seek recognition
(3:43:24 AM) ev: heroes are always tragic
(3:43:38 AM) kamikaze: that’s what defines a hero isn’t it?
(3:43:49 AM) ev: i think so. heroes always sacrifice
(3:44:06 AM) ev: and in the end, it often happens that nobody knows of it but themselves
(3:44:22 AM) kamikaze: that’s what you call larger than life man, that’s why they’re heroes
(3:45:08 AM) ev: it sux to be a hero


Aite.

Wednesday, March 05, 2003

I love the lil azn girl in Missys new VDO~~~Shes hot shit!!!