Thursday, April 03, 2003

I want to fly.

I always thought that those that said they wanted wings were such idiots. Its only realistic to live on in our world without wings. But 5 secs ago, i wanted a pair too. I finally felt what they meant when they say they want wings. You want to just fly away, away from this world, away from our life and our constrictions. You want to be somewhere where you can just hide alone without a soul nearby...

I want to be a rock star.

I want to live carelessly. I don't exactly care about my crib, my money. I just want to make music for this world. I want to make music for the masses. I want to be able to create music for others to feel. I want to goto crazy parties and I want everybody to be friendly to me. I want to live a life a day at a time.

I want to be a difference.

I want to be "the somebody else". I don't want to live life as it is. Everyday I wear a barbed wire around my head, it doesn't hurt but its clenched so tight. Its wanting to tell me something, something that nobody knows of except for me. I can't make out clearly what it is, but its my purpose. I feel like I need to resolve it, I feel like I will live painfully for the rest of my life until I unlock this goal. Theres something out there, as important or irrelevant it is to this world, it means everything to me to get it done.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. For the past week, at the end of the day, i feel dead. My eyes strain to see, my mind strains to run. Its pressure?! from what?......from who? for what? for who?.....when you know so well what you want, you tend to stay too focus........when you are too focused, you lose sense of your surroundings......i think i just lost it.

Didn't blog for a week and a half. haha. My past month has seem like a year to me, i wouldn't know where to start. Theres only one thing in my mind, and thats 'live on'.
On a greater note tho, POETRY DEF JAM is one of those things that unexpectedly make it to our lives. If i had to rate this show, I would give it 10/10. Yes, i guess i am being a little lenient here...but when i think about it again, I have nothing negative to say about it, so why shouldn't i give it a 10?? I would appreciate any of you that make it to NYC to spend the time to goto their broadway, I would greatly appreciate such a talented 'real' group get the recognition and support they deserve...........can't believe they came hopkins and i missed their show....i would like to see it again....

Sometimes I feel like my life is entertainment. I feel like my world is entertainment. What is actually called entertainment would i guess be called entertainment within entertainment. Or would it??....hahha...i guess not.....what is called entertainment in our world doesn't always end up to be entertainment, I suppose they should be called time killers....the real entertainment is around us...its in our air....its within everyone of us.......we and our world is our own entertainment......if you dunt think so, think again.......

Summer is coming soon, I feel like I just came back from christmas break. I suppose its cuz so much has been going on since I've gotten back. Always on the run, always in a race to beat time.......(haha...suppose thats why i'm tired...).......but anyhow, yeah, summer is coming....hopefully i'll be able to get through fine (according to history, i normally get through just, work, friends, play...yep)............haha.......somehow i'm reminded about what I was doing exactly during this time last year......EWWW...hated it....hated work......hahaha....I've changed again...grown again......ho crazy whos the final version of me??...infinite version?

I'm tired.

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