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soooo hectic.....everyday back at home is like a whole new experience on its own......ten things accomplished in 24 hours instead of three.......

everything has changed.....my friends, my house, my family, my life, hongkong, and me........theres so much going on....i don't have time to waste and blog...

Luck to phyfound.

~~~ Our Lady Peace - Imagine (live) ~~~

Its weird, i'm actually a pretty logical person....but i was thinking to myself just now....how come i hate pictures of any sort - related to human flesh and stuff......its only natural right??....so it should be ok to see natural things rite?!..

I heard from somebody that if you close your eyes and say 'home' ten times, you might open your eyes to find out that you just woke up at home on a Sunday.......................................dope......nevamind...

I'm up again.....to hide away from the evil karma that spreads into every BME whose irritated by the amount and difficulty of this class.........not that the material is super duper hard, but its definitely a hell of a lot..........and yeah, the thing is that its actually only basic BME stuff.....i personally think its a lil too much for me to handle.....but then again, this is hopkins bme, i have no more to say......this stuff should really be for those that have a deep appreciation for biology and engineering....

Haha....if this can only be a guitar exam instead, i'd be busy practicing day in day out throughout the year.......killing all exams as i see.....
While i'm on the subject of doing things that you like/appreciate......i think i'm definitely a loser when it comes to this category.......i know what i want all the time, but i never happen to be doing that when it comes to work......studying all sorts of random math, science, bio, blah blah has never really been my thing.........i just kinda study it.....cuz its called work......and you're not supposed to like it........i sorta just suck up whateva i need to study.....learn whateva is given to get through it............sometimes, i wonder if i'll ever be satisfied with the work i have in my life.......especially, after college, when i finally find a job out there in the real world........i know i have so much drive and self-motivation when it comes to something i like (for example music)......but what about doing something that'll let me get a good paycheck too??..........every once in a while, i wonder to myself.... i just have to have hope.........i just have to rely on the fact that this world is sooooo damn big, theres so much money going around.....and that there'll be one position out there that'll make the best out of me ( and also gimme that fat paycheck).....

I want to write about daily thingys here......its been a while since i've blogged about some more simpler issues like what i've been doing and all........the thing is, there really isn't much tho.......i study when i'm up.....i eat when i must.....and i avoid work by sleeping long hours til i can't fall asleep anymore...........period...........shit, what else is there to say?.......erm.......some more less important things include my guitar strings broke........i fell on my ass cuz of some ice on the floor..........i sold my new mp3/cd player and cell fone on ebay and plan to get new ones when i go back home..........erm.........some even less important things includes: i've been averaging 3 bottles of water a day....i've been watching men & women NCAA soccer on ESPN.......oh yeah, and also, i'm trying to waste time and avoid studying by talking about irrelevant matters on my blog......

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haha....i'm an A+ when it comes to keeping myself entertained.....

Anywayz......time for some music everybody??.......lemme see......wah i got for you all today........
~~~ Dishwalla - Every Little Thing ~~~......i don't quite remember if i put this one on before.......erm........yeah.....i'll choose another just in case i did before already.......
~~~ Travis - Side ~~~.....ok....if i've already put this one up too before.....then i'm sorry, life will have to go on for you.....

bye.

Back. It seriously took a bit this time to push myself to come up here. Haha.....phyfound? or blog? that is the question....haha....believe me (giving you the stern look)....I was soooo close to phyfound......unimaginably close.....i guess, it was this guys xanga that tipped the iceberg......for the first time in my life, I read a diary that actually made sense to me.....theres still hope...theres still ppl out there that have a clear honest true character...

I need to study....yes, i do....so much to learn and so lil brain to do it.....there seems to be a constant battle inside my head to push myself to sit at the studying table to start studying.....this one time during this week of studying, i pushed myself so hard i felt sick....I keep telling myself, theres only one exam left (ok, the hardest one by far too)....i tell you, this is exactly what goes on inside my head.....INSIDE: just this little bit more left airik!!....push push push....don't fall now airik!!...you're so close....push push push......if you want to show you're strong you push it.........don't let anything stop you.....just push on and you'll be fone....
So yeah, i'm currently dead sick......homesick too.....i miss home...my life back home...my friends......hongkong is seriously my source of confidence.......to know that I have a whole life back home waiting for me every break.......And more importantly, after I get out of my supposedly good education in america....it makes me feel so much better........
I haven't been home for too long....i need to go back and make stuff happen the way it used to be always when i go back.....

hah...its funny how since i made it to hopkins, i never thought studying a week before a midterm/exam was unusal....(ok, i feel like i'm backtracking my earlier phyfound thoughts........

.....
....wow....
....
....i have stuff to say again....holy god.....i actually feel like writing.....
......
....thats what i've been trying to say again and again for the past couple months....that feeling of wanting to write....
....)

.....anywayz, yeah.......i sound like i'm crazy when i tell people i plan to study usually a week or half a week before my tests depending on the difficulty of the test......i always thought most ppl spent that much time too......

this leads me to my 2nd thing.......i'm glad I found out who i am this semester......yep...when you goto college, you do find that you have your own path to take....whilst in the middle of your own, you find that everybody is just taking their own path......they do cross yours....meet up with yours...try to mess with yours.........for better part, I know what i'm doing........as much as i am an outkast.....as much as ppl tell me I'm wrong for what i am (yes, and thank those ppl....i do look at myself and sculpt myself accordingly).......i know what i'm doing...........i know my goals.....i know i'm living the way i'm supposed to.....its definitely not perfect....i am wrong everyday......let me say again, if that i didn't make myself clear enough.....i am wrong all the time!!!........the thing is i have control over myself every single individual day......every tomorrow, I live to live a better life that i previously did......not to only make up for the past....but for the better well being of myself and those that would appreciate that better well being of mine.......

"if i want to talk, I would first have to spend all my time defending what needs to be said".....i don't want to waste my time having to defend what i have to say this time.........whether it is taken the correct way or not... i cannot judge.....i can only hope those that don't would take the time to understand....

there are ppl in this world that can't face the reality.......there are also a lot of ppl in this world that can't face up to the things they do or say........they avoid/back up what they have behind the light...behind what they think of as "too real" or too much to deal with..... they deem themselves as too chill to have the guts to have things the way they want in an honest open fashion.......and to answer all your prayers before more 'uptite' or any other such symbols are called out behind the curtain, i would like to open any discussion regarding anything i do say........i'm sorry, but not being able to confront your personal dislikes is just sad.....not to mention, not understanding that you're only a dislike of yourself is even worse.........all in all, don't be fake.....and don't hate...

to respond to those that are 'chill':......why are you going to class?? why do you goto skool??..why do you take exams??...why don't you just sit on your ass so that your parents can pay for the rest of your nonexistant education?.....or have you been contradicting yourself with what you've been labeling others with?

phyfound needs me.

Erik.

i dunt come up here nemore......things have changed.....i don't have the urge to blog nemore...i think i have better things to do now......i think i've changed both in some ways more and in some ways less this semster....its hard to explain....its crazytalk.....definitely living alone at my lovely apartment has influenced the way i am and think.......

I think i've become back to more of a serious person (uptight!! yes!!) this semester.....so much more determined and straight forward with what needs to be done....I feel thats more erik....thats the way i've always been, and it seems like life works better for me this way......'to chill' is like something i've been through during phases and i guess its just not my thing........a reason why i say this is because I look back to my previous blogs.....and i was just thinking how immature i was then......its like, no matter what i say, I've opened myself to signs of stubborness..........however, before, i used to look back at my blogs and liked exactly what i wrote on each and every blog...
Then again.....its just a thought.....maybe i'm still the punk i was......

~~~ Lifehouse - Spin ~~~......repeated again and again on my comp....its darn good......my world makes much more sense when i listen to this song.......its been keeping me alive....

I'M GOING HOME SOON. WOW.

i love thanxgiving....i do.....i remember a couple years back.....back in the day of misery...those same ol days at northfield......i always had such a good time during thxngiving........going to NYC....visiting my bro......going shopping...eating at nice restaurants......those are the type of times i'll always remember........they go by sooooo quickly too....but yet, after its over, in your memory you feel like that was the longest time ever...so action packed...did so much shit.........the thing is, its only a weekend like everyother each week.............its like, when you go back to skool....meet back up with hell.....you feel like you were away for two weeks or something.......thats what a good time is all about....hehe....azn jackass....

aite...late.
one of couple last blogs.
Erik