Issues

Sometimes I'm so conflicting I don't even believe it myself. I often feel what I want is not who I am. My values, beliefs, and needs do not sum up properly. Sure, I can reason my attributes, all of them being extremely logical deductions, but they aren't a wrap. Either I'm just an another 21 year old trying to find himself, or maybe just simply psychotic.

I've always wished to be killed unintentionally. I wish a meteorite would drop on my apartment and headshot me tomorrow morning. If that day ever turns up; feel happy for me for it was truly what I've wanted. I would be glad to be knocked out for good. Call me a jaded soul...for I know that is who I am. But I don't think its something I decide for myself either. I don't consider myself a very pessimistic person (I am at times very optimistic), I just think life sucks. Or to better clarify that, I know life sucks. Its because of who I am and not what I have.

I live a lot of things many would aspire to have. I could be wrong, but having had the opportunity to grow and live in comfort, travel around the world at a young age, and graduate with what we call a ‘prestigious degree’ at 20 is a lot of blessing. You can think I’m a fag here for whining, but realize what I have/had has nothing to do with my state of mind everyday. All these things I have is a consequence of my dad having worked his ass or my hermit-like existence at my work desk. And when one gains, one must sacriface something else to give it balance. I can't say for my dad, but I sure don't fully know how to enjoy life for what it is.

On another note, I now realize why punk is dead.