I graduated from Johns Hopkins with a Biomedical Engineering degree.

I went through hell and got out. Its crazy. I don't know what to say. Its like..I proved myself....I proved to myself that 'I could succeed in anything I set my mind to'.

My past 3 and a half years in college was definitely not the most pleasant one. Haha, I was definitely way too in touch with my nerdy roots. I remember spending most of my weekends (including Friday night, most of Saturday and without a doubt Sunday) studying in the library. I took caffeinne mints, attention deficit pills, and bottle after bottles of mountain dew just so that I could stay focused 7-8 hours at a time. I also didn't eat until I had finished the work I set myself and it led to an infected stomach that would hurt when I'm hungry now. I was so obsessed with studying and doing well I think I lost focused on how a life should be and how to live one. I'm proud to say that I'm finally at the end of this road, but this road was definitely not an easy one. I was scarred along the way. Work was normal, life was dull and it definitely jaded my perception of this society. I paid the price and lost a lot of energy as a young restless man to overcome this obstacle. I don't think I'd be able to do it again..

I aged, matured and have become a lot wiser.

~~~ Jimmy Eat World - If you don't, don't ~~~

Mad respect to rage against the machine....its got that lyrical grace to it.....their songs are meaningful yet perfectly arranged and syncopated....its original......creative....crazy.....these guyz define the label "artists".....and they came out with their first album in 1992....seriously, they were way ahead of their time......Respect.

All hell is nearly over. Thats an incredible feeling to have.

Erik.

~~~ N.E.R.D - RockStar (Remix) ~~~
~~~ Snoop Dogg - Ballin' (featuring The Dramatics, Lil' Half Dead) ~~~

I can't imagine the number of records I've bought over the past 2-3 weeks. Seriously...thanks to a visit online at bmgmusic.com and Amoeba Music while I was at LA. HAha....this is a list of the records I've bought: Switchfoot, Jimmy Eat World, the Strokes, Pearl Jam, Clipse, Snoop Dogg, Incubus, 3 Doors Down, Linkin Park, Ataris, Outkast, Plaid, Chris Clark, Puddle of Mudd, Ryuchi Sakamoto, Merck, Prefuse73, My Robot Friend, Wilco, Rage against the Machine. Yeah, the list is something like that....

I have 2 more weeks til I graduate. It feels more like 2 years to me. Argh, I am drowning among all my assignments. Theres so much to do and so little determination to complete any of it. I can't wait to get on the plane and fly home. Hell, I can't wait to just finish my last exam on the 16th. Two weeks is so close....yet so far. I just hope everything turns out well....I can't wait for my LD...hehe ^^

My trip to LA was like a taste of how beautiful life could be. Hanging out with your close friends is like a dream that does come true. Its incredible. I swear to all higher beings in this world that I will make the out most effort to make sure I pursue a career where my friends are. I wouldn't see a point in making money if it were not that I was spending on the ppl I enjoy being around with... But yeah, Thanksgiving LA is what it should be. How great would it be to go hang out with your friends after work everyday.....that'd be a life....a goal to strive for..

I think I changed my mind about this whole pet thing....I want a cat....I probably do not want to clean up its puke when its being a lil bitch =X...but I'm sure a cat would be a whole lot of company.....enough of continous chatting online everyday.....I spend so much time chatting online its getting me sick....I'm sure that will end as soon as I find a job and I will not be allowed to connect to ICQ or AIM at work....just like the friggin holidays.....theres so many ppl around me theres no point in going online...

Aite peace, ev is waiting to play pictionary??!!

Mathmos Products Rule! Check out www.mathmos.co.uk

Woohoo. I'm once again back in California. At LA....yep... thats rite...and why am I online and blogging??.....ha, beats the hell outta me....

Theres this thing about LA that attracts me...its the laid-back attitude....its how the sun shines down across the horizon .....how the city spreads out across the landscape......its all of the above combined with hollywood and the music scene they have here......it adds this slight glamour into the city and makes this place so awesome...

Things have become to settle down gradually over the last couple weeks. I would say it was a time of good ol soul searching for me. Figuring out who I really am and what I want for myself...and of course understanding more of this world I have disscluded myself from for the past couple years...Haha, I suppose it was the reason why I didn't even bother coming up to blog. I simply didn't need to....

I was never into photographs all my life. But within the past half year or so, I've finally started to understand why photographs are such a big thing in this world. When I was young I never thought there was a point of snap shotting moments because I felt that I would remember all those experiences that were significant to me anywayz. Haha, and then you grow up, and your memory starts to fade....periods of time pass.....and you start missing those moments you would never be able to put back into place again......*note to self - get a digital camera and start taking pics*

Theres this incredibly cute cat right next to me now. Its like a baby...so restless, curious and real....I never liked animals much, but I think this one is an exception.......It stood up and looked out the window just now....haha....reminds me of wacko me gazing out the window for hours on end......

I =X USA...lol...

u happy? Erik.

Maybe its just a phase, but I don't want to do or deal with anything. I want to sit back and do nothing everyday. I look back at the last 5-6 years of my life, and I don't think I've enjoyed much of it at all. I'm tired of learning and challenging myself again and again. I'm tired of pushing myself to the limit. I certainly make a lot out of succeeding in what I challenge myself with, but whats the point of constantly challenging yourself? I mean, for one thing, its definitely not very chill!! If everyday if going to be a challenge to me, then maybe I should stop going on at it. I spend so much time looking ahead of whats to come rather than enjoy what I have with me right now.

I don't think I've ever felt this way before, but I want to just sit at home and watch TV or something. I need a couple weeks break. And I mean, a break from absolutely everything. I need a break long enough to make me feel incredibly bored. Maybe then I would pick up my motivation to start do anything again.

I'm so lost.
Erik

~~~ Damien Rice - Volcano ~~~
~~~ Aesop Rock - No Regrets ~~~ @ Baltimore tonite. I need to make it to these concerts. I really need to.
~~~ The Strokes - Room on Fire ~~~ Yet to obtain this new record. I know I'm going to like it.

So the whirlwind finally came through my apartment this week. Everything fell apart. I crashed into myself and broke into pieces. Great, Hopkins. I love you. Just watch I'm going to pull through.

I finally decided to take pictures of my apartment. I figured its about time. Before I pack and leave. I'm sure thats going to happen before i know it.

My computer integrated surgery and complex analysis classes have been giving me a real good spanking. More lessons to learn in life. And just when you thought things would be easier, you crash into a new built concrete wall. Great. Taking these type of classes seriously only makes me feel even dumber. I mean, I learn a hell of a lot in them. But I end up coming out of the class room feeling ever more so dumb. I'm not even close to being labelled as "smart" academically. It always makes me wonder what my life is for then? I constantly feel like my feet are on two separate boats. I feel like the rope of a tug-of-war =/ Somebody pls win.

My little brother came and cooked me like 5-6 different dishes. I think he cares about me a lot more than i think. hmmm. lol. But yeah, my fridge is filled with boxes and boxes of ready cooked meals. All microwave ready and split into a-box-a-meal. My younger brother is 4 years younger than me, I'm so bad at taking care of myself he has to do this for me =/

Somebody save me.

Erik.

Saturday Acoustic Morning.

~~~ Jason Mraz - the Remedy (Acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Incubus - Pardon Me (Acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Our Lady Peace - Tear Drop (Massive attack acoustic cover) ~~~
~~~ 3 Doors Down - Kryptonite (acoustic) ~~~
~~~ Foo fighters - Breakout (acoustic) ~~~

Taking it easy.

Erik

~~~ Travis - Hit me baby one more time (acoustic live cover) ~~~ LoL..what else should i say?..its only mediocre tho...dunt expect it to blow you away..

Brain drained. Another weekend of guilt and depression. Argh, wasn't I stressing about the same issues last week?...crazyness...

I got on my turntables just now. I know I don't spend even a quart of the time I do on them compared to the guitar, but I truly love those decks. Its the analog sound that I love. On top of that, its the rhytmic manipulation of that sound which makes it truly amazing. Maybe I should spend some time off practicing how to spin? Yep, instead of goto work at 830am.

There are a couple things on my first of paychecks list to buy. I want to get a nylon guitar, 12-string guitar and drum machine. I'm sure this list will expand soon into a fender bass, amplifiers, les pauls, etc.... But yea, I want a nylon guitar for its clumsy mellow tone. And of course a 12 string guitar for its glittery mesmerizing sound. Haha, enough music talk.

12pm tired.
Why?

Erik.

Have been incredibly busy over the past two weeks. Midterms, interviews, lab, h/w...all crashing into me. And thus, these lyrics. Pretty sad stuff I must say.


Anything

I'd give myself anything...
Anything to make me happy

I'd give myself anything...
absolutely anything...
to make me happy

Anything to let it out
All the words to spin my life
I wish I can give myself anything...

If only I could pull earth together
Divide the ocean with my might
I would give myself anything...
Anything to unplug the world tonight

I want it alright
I'd give myself anything...

A glimpse of ecstasy
A piece of the fruit
Fill me up with anything...
Anything to close the wound

Dreaming of who
Nothing to lose
In midst a flipping life
I want a sight of paradise

I'd give myself anything...
absolutely anything... anything... anything...
I will put anything broken back together
Bring everything lost back in motion

Just anything anything anything...

Jaded.
I believe that best describes my well being. So much in my mind and too much to live up to. My only motivation is knowing that everything will probably pay off sooner or later.
I'm in work mode. I will work and work and work and work until I can't work any harder. Although sad, I suppose thats the only way for me to feel less guilty/regretful about not being able to suceed my short term goals. Yes, it does sound like insanity, but I guess thats where I find the drive to do something. Its a viscious cycle of work.

Sometimes I wonder how hard I can push myself.

~~~ Justin Timberlake - Like I love you, Rock your body ~~~ Cut the introdution, I'm sure everybody knows these songs. I just wanted to say that I am proud to admit to his music. Good music cannot be denied, this guy has soul.
~~~ Jason Mraz - You make me High ~~~


Crash

There are oceans between us,
Experiences to live for,
Egos to live long.
Baby show me what it was all for.

1983. Just another year I was born.
Give me another century to prove it all.
I told you something I haven't heard of
How beautiful my dreams call.

Theres nothing I want to do,
I feel I'm living to live by.
Theres everything I want to do.
To be superman is not a lie.

Somethings behind all this time.
The flowers I smell everyday,
They know better than I.
When its my time. It will be mine.


Haha..what was that?

Airik.

~~~ Morcheeba - Be Yourself ~~~ Yes. Be yourself.

I feel that my blog has lost its tone and color over time. Its boring, reptitive and generally not very interesting anymore. I mean, how would it be interesting when even its author thinks its crap. I'm seriously considering whether I should just stop writing. I figured if I'm continously writing about nothing new or interesting, then its just time to shut this down.

Yep, and hence the effort to reanimate the site by changing the layout and color scheme. The old fashioned blue, blue, blue and more blue airik ramblings site was getting a little tiring. Its sorta like repackaging my product u know? Trying to give it a different feel, shine it under a different light or something. But does it work? Haha, probably not. Not if the product still sucks. Its just another stupid marketing scheme.

My interests have changed drastically over the past 4 years. From still playing video games to practically none. From reading magazines like Maxim and FHM to Wired and WSJ. I spend more time on Yahoo!News than I do on ign.com. I used to go make visits to Djs such as Qbert and Paul van Dyk, but now I rather go listen to Michael Moore and Nelson Mendela speak. Hmmmmm. I suppose all these things are good signs. Although most my friends don't feel the same yet, to say the least, I'm glad I at least wouldn't have to be worried about not growing up.

I was recently looking back at my previous blog entries. I felt pathetic about them. I don't think I would write about any of that stuff if I wrote today. Its funny cause I can't believe how immature/inexperienced were some of those entries. Haha, and chances are that in a year, when I look back at this entry, I would think the same.

Ok. Time to go move my feet. Yep, junior senior.

Erik.

Sit back and take a deep breath.

Sometimes I feel like maybe I'd be better off taking things easier on myself. I need to spend more time listenning to what others have to tell me instead of forcing through with my own point of view. Some things are oughta be and some are not. Maybe its just not up to me to completely path my own life. I need to understand that fact.

Maybe I just have a bad grasp of the big picture. On top of being impatient, I feel like I need to constantly push myself harder to see results. Haha, I'm not much of a long term investor, I guess sometimes that oughta be the better thing to do. I have this dogmatic belief that if I constantly make short term trades, I'd have this higher chance of making it big. WRONG!

~~~ Leftfield - Rhythm and Stealth ~~~
~~~ Jack Johnson - Times like these ~~~
~~~ 3 Doors Down - Here without you ~~~
~~~ Evan and Jaron - Distance ~~~

Life is boring over here in Baltimore. I'd like to talk about my week, but the truth is that nothing actually goes on at all. I goto school...come home....work...do more work...play the guitar...and then end the day with more work. If I talked about anything about my life here, it'd probably just be about small little events that happen here and there. Going to school here is a place of reflection for me. Its nice and all, but I think I'd be better off elsewhere. I prefer to feel the adrenaline running through my blood. I'm just restless. I need to be constantly engaged.
In college, I don't feel like I live who I really am. Haha, maybe its because I went to GSIS. LoL. We're all bred to live more hermit like...we can't be fuct to socialize much.

I'm a workaholic. I don't think I can deny that fact. I'm a bitch, and I will probably sell my soul to the next big corporation I work for. I say this because I've once sold it to nmh and jhu. Its a given that the next appropriate thing to do will be to sell my life to another organization. Great.

Job searching is a waste of time. If I can make millions of profits for a company, they really should be searching for me. Why the hell do I want to look for them, get paid the normal company wages, sell my soul, and help them increase profits? Thats wrong. If only they were smart enough...they should employ spy human resources acting as students at universities. This would then allow them to be able to find out truly who has the abilities. HAha.....ok, i'm just annoyed with job searching.....

I have a CIS paper due next week, and its not being completed.
Hell to school work. A college degree is a piece of paper that only proves that you got a good education. Our educational system is messed up. Pretty much most people in this world did not study what they are doing in their careers right now. What that means is that, a college degree is now equivalent to a highschool degree back in the day. In highschool, we take on all subjects, as if we didn't know what we wanted to do yet. Yeah, and like we know when we're in college? I was talking to my dad earlier this week, and he stressed the importance of going to graduate school for something...for anything. What the hell?! I mean, I'm not disagreeing with him with the fact that I need a more professional degree...but wasn't the whole point of going to graduate school for professionalism?....our society is now also soon converting a graduate school degree into a form of generic education. At this rate, will a PHd be required as a form of good education in 200 years from now?

~~~ the Strokes - Someday ~~~

I love sleep...Those slices of death. How I loathe them. I sleep an average of 10 hours a night. I'm not quite sure if thats a good thing, but I wake up every morning with pain at the back of my head. Somehow, somewhere its starting to make me think that its not a good sign. Probably too much stress...haha.

Airik.

~~~ Ataris - San Dimas Highschool Football Rules (Acoustic/Not) ~~~

~~~ Deltron 3030 - Mastermind ~~~
~~~ Shade Sheist - Money Owners feat. Timbaland ~~~
~~~ Dishwalla ~~~ Get their album. May very well be my favourite band.

Isabella came and left. It seriously put a twist to the week. To start off, it closed down the school on thursday and friday.....yep...no microfab lab and no CIS this week....definitely cool......however, it also took away my slippers on my balcony tho.....to be exact....i think it took away 3 pairs of slippers away from my balcony........argh..

I've been incredibly lazy these dayz. School work has been the last thing on my mind. I just don't want to study anymore. I'm passed those days. I just want to enjoy my life. I just want to have a good time like I did freshman year. I'm not bothered to care about my classes. I think I'm ready for a job.

On a good note, I got a new guitar amp last weekend. So so so so awesome. Its my new toy! I got a Marshall MG15DFX for $80!!!! Hehe, I sound so much more professional now. Damn, I never realized a good amp will make you want to play/practice that much more. I got the reverb, flanger, delay and chorus effects too!!

Things are weird. If only I could live with my friends. If only the people around me understand where I'm coming from. I rarely see any understanding in college, and it really drives me insane. I don't think I can take the fact that some people live in different worlds. I honestly believe that no matter our backgrounds, we shall all live with more or less the same values.

I think I need to be in the city. When it comes down to it, I'm still a city person. I was born in one, grew up in one, and shall die in one. I need interaction. I need people. I need confusion. I need entertainment. I'm dying here in Baltimore with a need of observation of others.

Without soul,
Erik

My courses for my last semester:

Microfabrication lab - We get to dress up like astronauts (gear to cover up our whole body... including feet and hair)...and we hide in a yellowy lit lab for hours so that we all come out at the end of the day color blind. Oh, and what is this course about again?

Computer Integrated Surgery - Dude, just pray that I pass this damn course. Oh, and don't ask me what I learned there.

Complex Analysis - We analyze imaginary numbers (we seriously do), and we come up with methods to do more calculations. My conclusion is that everything I learned was imaginary.

Financial Accounting - Let me introduce my best class of the semester. Financial Accounting!!!....^^; If that is the best class, G'luck Airik.


Anywayz, class aside, whats up everybody? How is everybody doing these days? Eventhough I got a crap load of work to do, I'm definitely kicking it. Making the most out of my time here. Shit man, its last semester, my last chance to do anything I dreamed of doing while I'm in college. Its time for me to sleep less, and make my time here more action packed. Whether working, learning, chilling, bballin, whateva....just end it on a good note.

So, what am I waiting for? Peace.

Airik.

~~~ Coldplay - Shiver (acoustic) ~~~

*phew* back.

~~~ Switchfoot - Meant to live ~~~

Presently enjoying some honey dew melon wrapped with prosciutto ham. Hmm. I love this stuff. Its like the perfect fruit and meat combination. Just perfect.

Alrite, so my GRE's didn't go as well as they ought. Life goes on? Yes and no. Yes in the way that theres no point regretting or feeling blue about it. No in the way that its a sign to tell me I should put more effort into it. Yep, time to put my game face on...plough through whateva needs to be done.
Argh, anyhow, I'll have to retake the test and go through that stupid computer testing again. Shit, nothing ever comes easy does it?

Aint bothered all of a sudden. so peace.

Airik

I think the GRE's are creeping into me. Maybe the truth is that I won't be able to take sub-par scores. Or maybe i will when I get them....its this time in between before you get the scores that makes you want to puke..... =X

Its gonna be a very different last semester at Hopkins for me. I know its gonna be different. Something tells me that it'll be nothing that I've ever thought of (well...maybe I've dreamt of it before...I've always had this idea that you live the future in your dreams...thats why shit is F'ed up and doesn't make sense).....but yeah, back to the point....things are gonna be different in a weird erratic way....

I want to be a musician. I want to be a producer. I want to be an artist like Pharrell. I don't really idolize him or want to be him, but I think I could also lead a life like his. He's smart. Although my life is in many ways set to be the business boy, the man with the suit and tie all day, I dream to be in the music industry. I know its all about drive, and doing whateva it takes to meet your goals. Hell I got all that shit.

I think I'm such a selfish person. Seriously, I'm all about myself. In many ways, I'm such a loser like that. I'm all about striving to make myself a better person...well, others around me too (but most of them don't see why they should)....I feel like I have such a big ego I should start hating myself. Wuhahha, I wanna take over the world or something....okok..maybe not take over the world......but I'm all about me, me, me, me, me and me....

I think i'm both an idealist and realist. Its weird.

Airik.

Lotsa New Music for the Soul:

~~~ Bone Thugs N Harmony - Lets Change the World ~~~
~~~ N.E.R.D - Baby Doll ~~~
~~~ Acoustic Alchemy - Playing for time ~~~
~~~ Electric Six - Gay Bar ~~~
~~~ Rage Against the Machine - Know Your Enemy ~~~
~~~ Hot Hot Heat - Bandages ~~~
~~~ Maniac Street Preachers - If you tolerate this...~~~
~~~ Black Eye Peas feat. Justin Timberlake - Where is the Love ~~~


So I'm back at school. Feels like i've been away for at least half a year or something. I've sort of built this love hate relationship towards this place. Having to come back here after the summer triggers so many memories and thoughts......All those times I were cracked out on campus in the morning to hand in homework......ploughing through h/w that seemed impossible......All those rooms and buildings I took exams in.....studying, studying and studying at the library.......seriously, I've done all sorts of things around this campus........all those things since freshman year......since Bradford.....since my apartment...since I got my ride........Damn. I'm a senior now.

GRE's on Wed. Haha, Nice! Considering the fact that I haven't really been studying for it, hopefully it'll go well. Just not in the mood these days to deal with shit like that. I want to sit back and kick it.

I want what I can never give myself. Its sad, but I want time. I want freedom. I want to spend abundant amounts of time doing what I want to do. Haha, I guess I'm just throwing up over my future right now. I don't want to deal with shit at the end of this year.

Boohoo.
Study time.

Erik.

So I'm sitting here writing probably my last entry before I leave back to school. Can't see see myself bother again while I'm here at home.

Its been an extreme week. 7 straight days of partying. Spent 4 mornings passed out elsewhere and 3 mornings back home after 7am. Damn. This is what work did to me, this is how much I had to let out.

A blog entry would never be able to explain what happens in a day here. Events are registered in my brain in terms of with who and where, and not be which day of the week it was. Too many things happen everyday. A typical day could include chilling at home in the morning, out for an interview, shopping, bball, shower at JC, drinks at 2-3 lounges, tsui wah and then drags somewhere out there.
Theres so little time to reflect. Its just not quite possible unless you're determined to make room to do so. It makes me start to believe that such a busy schedule causes me to take things for granted.

Then again, whateva for now.

Erik.

This is what Hopkins does to you:

Whats the point of being nice? - http://propriapersona.tripod.com/current.htm
Music and Listeners - http://propriapersona.tripod.com/music_and_listeners.htm
Metaphysics of boredom - http://~~~/metaphysics_of_boredom.htm
Is Anything Real? - http://~~~/is_anything_real.htm

If anything, this is the sort of thing I spend most my day pondering about too.

Erik.

Welcome back.

Sunday 7pm. I'm tired, I want to go take a nap but I know I wouldn't be able to sleep tonite and goto work in the morning if I sleep now. I slept at 8:30am this morning....haha....yeah, what else is new Erik?
I don't consider myself a party person, but I somehow end up getting trashed and going to bed in the morning every weekend.....its weird, I sorta feel like I think I'm something I am not.....either I have issues with being who I am or I'm just in a phase when I haven't settled to become the person I want to be when I'm back home for the summer.

5 more days of work. Woo hoo. Although I like work and I'll be missing it, I'm glad its over....haha...I'm gonna sound like a whining bum, but I need a break. Seriously though 7 weeks flew by just like that. Its insane. I wonder how working throughout the year feels like. I wonder how different my life would be if it were a permanent job. Still all these activities after work?

Bballing quite a bit these days. With all sorts of ppl: Interns, ex co-workers, bros. Not much competition for the most part tho. Especially half court bball. Hey, thats how i grew up. Somebody, really, come stop me.
I'm actually playing more sports in Hong Kong than I do at school. Weird.

~~~ Kings of Leon - Youth and Young Manhood ~~~ If 1994 was Oasis and 2002 was the Strokes. Then 2003 is Kings of Leon.
~~~ Easy Star All Stars - Dub side of the moon ~~~ Pink floyd 'dark side of the moon' dub in reggae. Its a whole new adventure.
~~~ Jay Chou 4th album ~~~ Asian king of pop. New 4th CD. Same genre, same style, just more songs.
~~~ DJ Shadow - Building Steam with a Grain of Salt ~~~ Sampling beats. For those that like non-vocal trip-hop like slow phat beats.

Aite.
Erik.

On a side note - Real Madrid is overrated, but Winning Eleven is not.

So my 2nd guitar pick broke last nite....
HAha, its funny how I make that connection with the fact that it shows how much I've been practicing and not maybe whether its because I'm strumming to hard or something....haha...but yeah, I was proud it broke on me.....

~~~ Dragon Ash - Underage Song ~~~ DA's first best single...Its pretty good...some classic Jap hip-hop for y'all to vibe with.....

I miss my electric guitar. Although I know I'll be bringing my current one back this coming Christmas, I'm seriously considering whether I should invest in another. Sometimes distortion just gives me a more full sound, the acoustic is too defined....too crisp...i guess its just not great to mess around with sometimes....

Its Thursday morning....office time...yes, I'm slacking.....hehe....I've got hand fulls of work from my supervisor and also this hk wealth creation project thing to work on...but oh well, its all good....
Probably tired from bball yesterday....argh....i can't believe bankers can play ball too..hahaa....or maybe they just weren't playing at the level/style I was......but yeah, got myself a couple more battle scars last nite....

Only through suffering and understanding others we realize more about our individual-self.

Airik

@Office...really shouldn't be doing this rite now....haha....

Hello and GoodBye

Hear my voices in heart,
Waterfalls in my sky.
The clouds move faster than mine.
Lonely, dry, I'm so high.
She scared me (but why?)
Like a butterfly she spread her wings,
While I cry in the world blind.

Hearing her beat in heart,
Infesting death calls me clear.
Her eyes near mine, fireworks, who denies.
Tears roll down my feet,
I'm broken, disorganized, dry (and why?)
Have I not learned her beat?
Am I an instrument of heat?

Imagine an ideal peace.
I blame time,
Hers grinding against mine.
She held me, and took my smile
So careful, I took the lie.
Now I'm demolished dry,
Hello and GoodBye.

Back.

~~~ Jimmy Eat World - Believe in What you Want ~~~ I've been getting into some Emo these dayz...especially Jimmy Eat World's stuff....check out their album 'clarity'..

Everyonce in a while I feel like I'm living in this world. I can feel my own two feet on the ground. I'm consious but I feel like I don't understand my own existence. I don't understand my consquences and I feel like there are so many things maybe I could have done better doing. I'm not saying I regret what I have done or did, but I feel like there are many more ways to deal with stuff, some eventually being things I'd have better off done instead and some not.

Either I've grown up a little or maybe I'm just over thinking things, but I'm starting to appreciate routine. Not that I don't like the feeling of being free, but I enjoy routine I have control over. Or to better put it, routine I create for myself. For example I like to look forward to guy's ball nite, I like to know that I'm scheduled for Kaplan after work. I guess routine makes me feel like I'm making more out of my time, it makes me feel scheduled. Keeps me away from time when I end up not doing anything at the end.

Its interesting how the only thing that really goes through my head day in and day out since I've gotten back is Hong Kong. Theres something so full and perplexing about it that keeps me on my feet 24/7. Everyday is seriously an adventure of its own. Theres so much to digest in a day I feel like I'm wasting it everyday by puking it back out. Its sort of scaring me cause one day I might get sucked into it and I wouldn't be able to get in touch with who I really am anymore.

Its funny how I don't have a single thing to write about when I'm finally in front of the comp...

Whoever you are. I'm glad.

Airik.

Its been awesome summer.

I'm confused. I feel divergence.

Too many things are going on at one time. Its funny how I both want to stop and realize whats going on around me and also want to let time continue so that things will unfold on its own.

Hong Kong is so packed. My community is incredibly competitive. Maybe what I need to start do is reconsider the way I live my life here. Haha.. I think should start becoming more critcal of my methodologies....I say all this because I've grown up. All the kids of my age are starting to enter the work force. Whether smart, hardworking, ignorant, spoilt, lazy, or realistic will have to live their lives. I see entering the work force as the last chance for any to make serious changes to who they are. So how will we end up? Are we going to split into our social classes? Will the kids with less demanding jobs still be around those that have put in the effort to find a higher paid job?
I'm going to be honest here. I hang out in a community of "better off" families here at home. So how is inheritance going to interfere with our lives? Including myself, I see many combinations of personalities and family wealth. I wonder what will happen to everyone in 10 years time.

I find it awfully hard to be as "real" when I live in Hong Kong compared to the States.
airik.

I've been wanting to blog for sometime already...finally, my chance to do so.....
Its way past bedtime already....11PM!!!....So late!!!....hahha...yeah, i need my beauty sleep before work.....or maybe (to sound less gay) I dread waking up without enough sleep...i need/prefer >=10hours....yepyep...plus, the day goes be more quickly when I'm awake and focused....

Haven't had the time to check out any music these days...I guess I'm normally too tired after work and I don't bother to stop by the record store or anything.....I've been spending a lotta time on the guitar tho. I don't even realize I spend 1-2 hours on it everyday during the weekdays when i have work...last weekend I was averaging even more time playing... 3-4 hours??....

~~~ Morcheeba - Parts of the Process ~~~ Trip hop for the soul. Definitely nice and relaxing to listen to. I've been guitaring a lot over the album these dayz.

Hmmm....maybe i should talk about somethin else other than work and summer....
I've been thinking a lot about how it is like to grow up these dayz. Its crazy. We all grow up to find out how complex our world is. When I was young, I used to think I knew pretty much everything, but I now feel like I know nothing...seriously, nothing at all, even I doubt my own conscience, my own feelings.....I feel like everything i think of is probably so much more complicated in the real world.....i'm just a biased fool.....if everyday we are learning new things, then we must be currently pretty wrong about things....

I've been noticing how older adults think these dayz. Pretty much all adults older than me. I've been constantly fitting myself into their shoes trying to imagine what they had gone through and how their goals have changed as they grow up. I know someday, chances are that I'll go through the same changes and I'll start thinking about things like stability, family, work, heavy responsibility, etc......haha...to think about it even more, I'm living such a chill life right now......I don't think I'm fully appreciating my freedom and restless body....maybe I just won't ever til its over..

I guess one of the biggest things that I feel would have an impact on me is kids. I can't tell how I'd change then, but for one thing, I'm going to be a good dad like my father. I suppose it reflects how I've grown and seen my own dad be a father... I'd like my kids to go through a similar childhood too. Seriously, its only until I was nearly past my teens til I realized how much my parents had done for me. How much that had been done behind me all along.

Hahaha...I think I sound so silly...but I always had this thing about taking the mini-bus at night....like sending my significant other home or something.......its so romantic......it gives me that sticky intimate HK styled urban romance feeling......sort of like how New York City or Tokyo can be very romantic places for love......haha....but anywayz.....

Way way past bedtime.
Airik.

Damn, I love Hong Kong. I guess its just normal to be attached to where you belong from. Other than the fact that its sizzling hot here (yes, so take off all your clothes..haha), everythings pretty chill. I suppose only after I've traveled and lived in other parts of the world til I realize home is still home sweet home. Theres no replacement.

I suppose it all comes down to enjoying what you do.....I'm liking work...banking...Central....lunch with my co-workers or friends......and nearly everything else that comes with it. I guess Hong Kong brings out the real side of me, i'm more efficient and more hyped up for stuff.....while on the other hand, the States helps me find out who i am...i suppose thats where i spend more time reflecting my own character and becoming a better person...

Damn...its friday nite....seriously....no time to blog...theres a lot ahead of me.

~~~ Maroon 5 - Songs about Jane ~~~ get the album.
~~~ MJ Cole - Cut the Chase ~~~ must get album for uk-garage/2 step followers.

aiteaite.....really gotta run.
Erik.

back...

*phew*...had first day of work today....so damn tired.....its been two years....since Merril since I've put on a suit...tie, dress shoes and the whole nine yards......dang, my neck and shoulders were aching all throughout the day......its as if i were carrying a back pack full of stones......
Its cool tho....meeting some new lads......going through the hong kong work-summer experience all over again....hehehe....Yey! women in a work environment again!!......thats definitely cool...no more mutants like those in my biomed classes.......
I assume I'll get the hang of it in a week or two...after orientation when i finally figure out where and which floor i work ><; .....

Hong Kong is great. I think I've finally realized my home. I'm glad I didn't come back for a while, otherwise I'd continue to take this place for granted.......i suppose Asia is where I want to end up when I settle down....altho I'd definitely miss out on american sports.....like watching the superbowl, NCAA, NBA, etc.. with pizza and beers and all that......nothing can beat being around people who I grew up around with...eventho, i'm Americanized....and I don't act like the typical HK guy.....i feel like i'm still part of it.......especially Central, where people are busy, working and less fobby....I feel at home working in one of those sky scrapers.....I feel like this is where I belong.....not that I'm racist or anything, but I just can't imagine myself working in an office pretty much mostly consumed of whites......like, it'd still be chill and all that....but it just aint the same....the networking...the people..the attitude...

...haha...i got myself another pink floyd CD today....HK has such a bigger influence from European music......so so cool....i can't believe I spent an hour at HMV after work.....but yeah, definitely will be here with some cool music when i finally get an ear on them...

Airik.

~~~ DJ Food - Gold in my Pocket ~~~
~~~ Puddle of Mudd - Control ~~~
~~~ Jason Mraz - The remedy ~~~

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee........done with summer skool. Done with EVIL EVIL Bio chem lab......*coughs*....that class was a terrible terrible mistake....*fingers crossed*...hopefully i didn't crash the practical...

Gonna pack and peace.
Airik.

http://www.hkvpradio.com/rhythm/music/features/20030610.html <---- I dun't know what to make of this, i mean, canto pop through another culture...pretty interesting...sometimes I wish I lead another life to have the chance to see through both of these experiences....

4 days til I leave.....or should I say 4 more days of blogging.....I'm assuming unless I have the free time to sit around and surf the web at work, I probably won't be up here much.....i guess its just this hongkong thing...or should I say HongKong me?.....People change in different environments.....we don't act free.....we act accordingly to whats around us.....where we are, who we are with, what we are doing.....just the air around us makes us think different.....

I feel a lot better now....still sick...but a lot better than I previously did over the last 2-3 days....i guess its cause I've woke up...I'm back in reality.....

~~~ Goldfrapp - Black Cherry ~~~
~~~ Bent - Irritating Noises ~~~

Everything is connected in this world because everything happens for a cause. And I mean everything. Its like computer code, its like the matrix....everything is made of code and everything can be explained in terms of code.....I guess in that sense, maybe science is a bad thing.....science is the theoretical explanation of phenomena...so in other words, the religion of science is telling us that there is no free will??.....basically, everything can be explained, everything is hardwired.....everything is logical....or better yet, science gives us the boundries an idealist would call basically describe as taking away our free will??......oh whateva...i'm crazy talking.....

Has anybody tried to use a shortcut to a folder that is already in the destination folder?

bye.
Airik.

Music comes first today:

The All-American Rejects - Swing Swing
Collective Soul - The world I know
Thursday - Understanding in a car crash
Mos Def & Massive Attack - I against I
Audioslave - Show me how to live, Like a stone, etc....
Love psychedelico - Lady Madonna

These dayz, I feel so numb. I feel like i'm living two lives. My focus and ego has been very supportive of the semester. Keeping me always in track, keeping me within my limits emotionally. I think its about time for me to move onto the next big thing.

One thing I've realized over the past couple months......my peers look highly of me?!.....like, as in, they see me a lot higher than i think of myself......this might sound real crazy.....but WOW!!!......I've never considered myself a smart person and i've never thought of myself as successful (i still want to, but i don't see myself as one)......like, erik = smart has just never gone through my brain........its crazy.....especially when i hear that from ppl i know that know me well or have known me for the longest time.....its like, shit!!...i only say that to ppl i look upto and i know for sure they're gonna fly....so ppl feel that way of me?!!....woah.....its a lot to take, i never thought that highly of myself.....i find that the biggest complement of all time.......ppl who believe in me more than i believe of myself......

Anywayz, enough ego talk (i dunt, but just in case anybody else finds that it is)..........i can't be bothered to blog no more....

~~~ Hooverphonic - Mad about you ~~~

A year ago, I mentioned something about a summer low. I think I hit an early one this summer. Hopefully this is it....otherwise,.....I foresee pain....a lot more pain and even more pain. *coughs* i'm sick enough right now...and I have enough work coming piling over me to make me even more sick....but yeah, hopefully this is it...hopefully this is the hardest I'll have to go through....hopefully things will stabilize, hopefully things will turn out good no matter how they turn out.....just please no more pain!

I feel drugged up. Too much Nyquil probably, shit that stuff is not doing what its supposed to....its making me trip up on my own feet....i feel like i can't even tell whether i'm looking at myself in the mirror or whether the mirror is looking at me.....I feel like I can't trust my own conscience....my own eyes...my own thoughts.....everything seems to be unreal......everything seems to be a crazed projection of my thoughts.....i can't tell....i can't tell...
When was the last time i told myself i got to get back on track?...whenever that was, its time to do so again....its time to be dependant on me and myself once again....not our life...but my life.....I sound very optimistic here, but I think I see the tip of happiness in the corner of my eye....I feel like I can snap my finger and change everything around once again....I can be happy....excited...and jumpy about life all over again......i've been there...i know its around the corner....

I think I'd feel so much better if I just told the world that I've found my gold. Although, under many circumstances, it wouldn't be the thing to do rite now......I hope I'd be able to do it one day....I'm gonna come up here, and boldly proudly let the world know whats behind the curtains....what gave me emotions....what taught me be the man I am.....what gave me appreciation....what pushed this emotional side of me I never thought I had.....if only I can just tell the world...if only my love would break those barriers....

Woah.
Airik.

Hello there.
I'm sick. Like sick sick. Fever sick. I have a huge headache and a throat that doesn't feel like it belongs to me no more. Definitely, too much craziness over the past week. Its unreal to not get sick after what I've been through though..haha. But yeah, I'm dazed, tired and flying rite now. I still got a hella last week of summer school ahead of me...papers, labs, quizes, practicals....urgh....suck me.

I haven't felt emotions for a long time. I've been living life for the past two years without fear and depression. I was just generally happy with me and my life. But all of a sudden, something has hit me again, and I'm starting to feel like i'm back in square one.....i feel like i have nothing....and nothing at all to look forward to........what else do I have other than my own conscience??...pretty much nuthing. At least nothing more or less than anybody else.....

I'm gonna die if I need to eat another buffalo wing. Seriously.

will be back.
airik.

I'm gonna have 20 mins at most to write this entry...lablablab soon...argh....haha...not to mention the quiz I haven't studied for....but ohwell, thats what summer school is all about aint it??

I love Pink Floyd. His music is perfect. I can't believe I never spent the money to get his CDs before....I've always wanted to buy it but never in the mood to do so when I get to the CD store...but anywayz, man, his stuff is irreplacable....Its sooooooo chill!!!......thats seriously the stuff i'm talking about man.....hell, i'm going to go get the rest of his albums first thing next time I hit the store....I'm starting to feel that the more I listen to rock and all sorts of techno.....i'm startin to feel like maybe rap really aint that great to sit and vibe along with.....ha

Everybody is passed out. hahaha. I love that word. Passed OUT!...haha..yea, pretty tite....everybody is gone in my bedroom....while I hafta get up and go schooling....ewwww....gayness.....but its all good tho, this is what the summer is all about...chillin and chillin and chillin...yep, thats rite.....hehe...I think I'm having a good time....well, why wouldn't I when I get to sit around a bunch of bros every meal....=)

These dayz, the more I think about my trip in LA last summer, the more I miss it....I think I had an awesome time while I was there and didn't even notice it then......hopefully this summer will turn out just as crazy as it previously did....

ERik.

So I was mentioning how my dad thinks i'm 21 years old........and guess what??....when I was asked how old he was, only then i realize i didn't know the answer to the question either........hahha.....yep, definitely proves that I'm his son doesnt it??........hehe......i love him too!!!... but don't know his age either......

I can't wait to get back to hongkong.....I miss home.....(yep, once again!! ^^)......I miss my breaks in hongkong, they're always packed with fun.....hehe....when I say fun, I meant going back so that I can act like i'm coughing a lot on the streets....hahah....i just can't wait to see the typical hk reaction.......imagine I do that in the elevator or in a restaurant.......hahahahaha.....yesyesyesyes, i can't wait........my new secret trick to get some space when its too crowded...haha

I hate the truth. The truth is that the truth is always sad. Funny how all the so called "choices" we make in life are all supposedly already determined....as 'the matrix reloaded' describes: those that we call "choices" are actually paths we take that we don't understand........seriously, how are we supposed to live knowing that theres no free will??


ERIK.
'like you, like me, simply just don't care'

I think i'm a Jack-ass/Tom Green person. I have this big thing with pushing the limits of normal social behaviour. I like to think out of the box, I like to do stupid witty things....I want to think of myself as free. Not that I approve of everything tom green and the jackass crew do, but I defintely approve of their behaviour and take on life. Some people mite seem to think that I'm the example of a perfect straight up guy, but I don't agree with that at all........I love crazy ideas, or even better, crazy execution.....especially when you aren't harming the interests of others,i'm totally down with it...
I'm in love with adrenaline rushes.....I like the numbness found in undivided attention...i like to be focusing......

Sometimes I really wonder who I really am. I think I've learned the most about myself over the past 4 years so far in life. I really wonder if it'll ever stop, cause I'll know myself pretty darn well by then.

~~~ Foo Fighters - Hey Johnny Cash ~~~
~~~ Mum - Green Grass of Tunnel ~~~
~~~ Wayne Newton - Danke Schon ~~~

I'm currently taking some intense emotion management classes. Its driving me crazy.....sometimes I wonder how its possible to oppose your emotions...or should I say, theres no way to do so??......i might be wrong here, but I'm starting to feel like the only way out of it is to numb yourself with other emotions......*sigh*.......yep, go work...go play ball.....go fuck yourself and get those emotions off you......
Is that whats its all about??......all abstinence??....can i not be real to my emotions??.....can I not stand up to them and analytically solve them?

Haha...i feel like such a loser these dayz.....or maybe I just am?.......its like, i aint shit......i'm nothing more than an individual cliche.....everything i feel, everything i've done, everything i will do has been felt,done and did before........what the hell is my purpose??......why am I still living??.....whats the purpose of my existence??.......what cause am i?? or rather, what effect will i bring??........I need to know more than the fact that i'm here to write this blog for others to read.......I need to know a grande purpose.....i want to be able to stand up to the whole world and be like, 'This is what I've accomplished.'

Once again, and again, and again....to y'all chiggas.....WAT UP!!!!!.....hahahha......and THANX. I am a lost soul without you guyz.

Erik.

VDOS TO CHEK:
+++ White Stripes - Seven Nation Army +++
+++ Mya - My love is like...whoa +++
+++ Beyonce - Crazy in Love +++

I'M FREAKING OUT.
You know how it feels when you get all emotional?? Like, you find out about something or something happens and all of a sudden you feel a complete set of serotonin rush into your head....you know, like just after you found out you got into your dream skool.....or just found out a member of your family past away.....or just had the biggest argument with your significant other......
Emotions can be very very scary, especially when they aren't positive.....like I always say, "our own minds are the most dangerous weapon in this world" .....I think I just had a bad one today.....nearly fuct my life over.....

........

Although I've felt down over the past week, I won't let it stop me from being who I want to be. None of this originally struck out to me as obstacles (or bad luck) but I've had some pretty crappy ones over the month (well, one decent one though ^^...but that was like 2 months ago..=\ ).......but anywayz, yeah.....to start off, I found out i had 845 virus infections in my computer today....haha...the funny thing was that it didn't even piss me off a bit.......its 1:13am now.....guess what??? i spent the last 13 hours putting this piece of crap back together so i could do what??...blog???...hahahahha.....
Yep....i wasn't originally gonna come and bitch about this on my blog, but i mite as well.........3am in the morning last week, I was out picking up some food and my tires blew on me!!!.....awesome aint it??.....it was chilly and i had a T on, shorts and flips flops...........*sigh*.....i guess all i could say is i'm glad Lau was with me....otherwise it'd real suck.....
Haha....this then reminds me of my 2 $100 parking citations at NYC that same day..and the porcelain bowl from the sky that hit my car earlier the week before that....man, i don't want to explain the details.........maybe i shall start blaming god too for doing such a crappy job of making this a fair world......theres more to bitch about but its coo, i dunt want to talk about any of this anymore....
All in all, heres a clean simple middle finger to depression, a 'fui' life and bad luck!! The good times will be coming, i know it, i can't wait already =)

~~~ Camron feat. Tiffany - Day Dreaming ~~~ Yo, lets get down.

I feel like i'm back here all alone again. Maybe thats what "no obligations" mean. It means you have the right to not give a F about anything. I feel like a water bottle, i get filled up, i quench thirst....and then i'm put aside until theres anymore sign of thirst.....i am an object....i do not have to be treated with feelings......fill me up whenever i'm nearly empty and its all good......
So am I important?? Yes. Am I reliable?? Yes. Will I be needed? Yes. Is there a thirst for me?? Yes. Am I taken for granted??

I've been consuming a lot of MTV:Real World these days. Sometimes I feel like such an ass for being human. First of all, as humans, we can be such selfish arrogant ignorant beings. We don't deserve to live in this world....as the moto of the series always says "see what happens when 7 strangers are put together and start getting real and being themselves"......so are they indirectly saying that we as humans can't live happily and peacefully together??
Second of all, we're all losers for feeding off reality shows. What entertains us is to see other people (people we don't even personally know) cry, laugh, puke, hook up, have sex, be mad, fear, etc.....seriously, whats up with that??.....to live off others extreme emotions is just straight out sad.........man, i'm sad......i can't believe i sucker up to that shit too.........haha.......anywayz......crazy talk....i'll probably still continue to spend time watching the real world..

Aite. lab quiz and report due tomorrow.
Airik.

I love work. I hate work...*sigh*....life....its a bitch isn't it??......i miss work when i don't have any, i hate it when i have a lot......i can't ever just be satisfied can i?.....

It just occured to me that my dad thinks i'm 21 years old. I was managing my email earlier today, and i just noticed that the subject of his email to me for my birthday said happy 21st birthday??......although its probably no big deal.....knowing my dad and that he loves me, he probably didn't make a mistake but actually doesn't exactly know how old i am....haha...is just funny to me how symbolic it is for an uncaring parent to not know how old his son is, while in this case, he does care......haha....but anywayz.....

~~~ Junior Senior - Move your feet ~~~
~~~ Strung Out - Somnobulance ~~~
~~~ Third Eye Blind - Crystal baller ~~~....very dissapointed with their new album =(

Its gonna be a long summer 2003....argh....Biochem lab + American Icons on Film and GRE for the first part....and then Citi Bank internship for the second part pretty much all the way til the school year starts off again............i definitely need something to look forward to........rite now, theres nothing other than getting college over and done with this coming Christmas.......well, i dunno...maybe not....i guess the best times are those that aren't expected to be....and I'm just not seeing things rite like the parties and drinks I'll be heading to all throughout this time........maybe i'm just going through a temporary jaded period, I'm just tired and want to get stuff back on track (uhuh....like my resume, GPA, grad skool app).......

Dinner time. Urgh.....Eel, rice and beef stew tonite.....
Erik.

"I hate kittens."

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=514&e=16&u=/ap/20030527/ap_on_re_us/safe_driving_3
^----------- hahha.... i belong in the union of all 71%, 59%,37%,28%, & 26% activities of road risks...

If I'm not wrong, I haven't been sober for a day all the way since May 8th.....Hmmmm....(reality finally checks-in after a simple subtraction).........oh my god!!!...19 days of chilling.......=/ maybe its time to get back on track.....
Haven't been in the mood to update my blog these dayz....probably cuz i've been busy hanging out mostly throughout the month.....got to see most the chiggas....pretty fly stuff...catching up on the ol times, makin new memories to live for........its awesome.....i definitely bummed out hardcore.......
Haha.....I've had some pretty crazy moments over the week though.........not to mention shaving my legs skin smooth, getting cracked out hardcore, showing up randomly at doors with no plans/shelter for the night (Yey! I'm not cliche)...=] .........I'd want to live like theres no tomorrow ^^;...........hehehe...plus, I now have better legs than most women on this earth...

I like California. Other than the weather which half the world also admires too, I like CA for its style....I feel easy......its so much more laid back.....I'm still not understanding why they don't offer 'Jamba Juice' and 'In & Out' over here in the east....or rather really why not anywhere else in the world....haha...crazy talk, but those are probably the franchises this world needs to offer more of.......I would love a double-double protein style + strawberry dreamin anytime.....

~~~ Jimmy Eat World - No Sensitivity ~~~
~~~ Death in Vegas - Scorpio Rising ~~~
~~~ Data 80 (album) ~~~ Electronic house, sorta Dirty Vegas but not really..hahah....

Aite.
Airik.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=571&ncid=751&e=1&u=/nm/20030513/hl_nm/personality_age_dc
^------- definitely believe in this shit...its what half of this damn blog is all about.

Summer 03 has begun.....its incrediable how time flys by at an incredible pace...shiet....and I'm done with junior year!! So crazy.......its gonna be all over before I have the time to stop and think.........(argh...writers block...next subject)....

I've been doing an awful lot of shopping these dayz....got myself new Ts, shirts, jeans, a jacket.......haha.....and I'm still heading to Woodbury and Century21 later this week........i'm broke already........(argh...writers block...next subject)....

I guess I'll be staying at school most of this summer......haha...again!!......its all good though, i'll have plenty of visits in and out of this place to keep me alive....(argh..F it...i'm outta here)...

ERiik.
"...your blog is reeks of your ego..."

Only a couple hours away from my last exam. Yessh, hopefully everything goes well.

The "real" space monkey has been around.....His presence has made it a weird reading period this semester....usually, I live like a hermit when it comes to studying...but its been different this time, he's around and I've been somewhat distracted.....its not a bad thing i suppose, I still feel like i'm in pretty good shape for my coming up exam.....Haha....i just can't wait til its all over..........cuz guess whats gonna be cracking afterwards? =]

I need a haircut. Definitely gonna get it this weekend (haha...more NYC). I just want a trim though, I want to keep it just a little longer than being categorized as being short. I was thinking whether I should dye it chrome-silver too. Thats been something I wanted to do for a while but never got to it cuz I never found silver/chrome hair dye....well, not til I found it at Tokyo last christmas......but yeah, if i aint able to go home til August....and I won't be working or anything in the mean time, why not?! *blink* *blink*....Hmmmm....

Whether you read this or not: I feel incredibly honored to be somebody elses role model (well...excluding my special 'fatty' lil bro)......I dunno, although I'm madly in love with myself too ^^; .....in a lot of ways I think I know better kids out there......I'm spoilt, hard on other people, cocky, stubborn.....hmmmm.....thats it??....haha....well...yeah...point made....I'm not that great.......
I dunt really know what to say......although I obviously look up to people too.......I think its most important to be yourself......I believe everybody is always on the same ground as everybody else.....theres nuthing called 'too late' or 'can't be done'.....its all about the individual and how bad the determination to strive is..........I suppose I tend to sculpt myself accordingly to who I want to be in my mind....whose traits around me are worth learning from......what my goals are......and how are my priorites balanced out......
Okok...enuff talk.

Time to move on to my last words with those phyfound txt books.
Erik

Did not accomplish any work whatsoever today, argh...great.....
Its funny though. Although I stayed at home all day today and didn't study at all, I feel like I got so much done. I feel like my body and mind are both satisfied with the day. I guess its cause i feel like i'm ahead schedule with my studying (probably not in reality, but still...)....Its cool though, I don't hate myself for procrastinating....I sorta see it as a time when I balance out my studying mindset...

Ha. Can't wait to spend time with my older brother....well obviously I can't wait.. he's my brother, I love him......but yeah, I remember I used to chill with him in NYC whenever I got a break from damn Northfield.......good food, shopping, movies, anything I wanted to do.....i miss those times, were always fun....always got back to school thinking I had the best weekend among everybody....
Anywayz, its definitely gonna be an awesome coming weekend.....not to mention "the love" the weekend after that.......haha....thats gonna be what I call being 'chiu gangsta'........i don't want to hear NO EXCUSES from nobody!!!

I want to let my friends know they're the coolest in this world. I can rest my life on you all, you know who you are. I'm utmostly glad that we've got what we have. Its all love, theres no conspiracy, no holding back. I can say what the fuck I want and it'd never be used against me. There are no benefits, there is no such thing as using somebody. Its as real as it can get. My friends are people that stay with me for the rest of my life. I can hang out with them and act myself without needing to think about how they'd feel about it. I can act like how i normally am when I'm alone.This is probably crazy talk to some of you, but I pity those of you that think you know what good friends are. If you think you do, you should seriously spend the time to think again. There is always another level, always.
I suppose its why I've became all of a sudden overly protective of myself throughout my time in college. I came to college thinking everybody either knows that well too or is open to this thinking....I guess I was wrong. Nobody seemed to understand. Nobody understands what the word 'good friend' means. Friends aren't people to hang out with, they aren't people you just meet up with when work is done with. You don't hang out with your friends because everybody is supposed to hang out. You don't have them just to have them. They aren't another circle of people in life......your friends are what you are. They are what the words 'good friends' technically mean......people you "chill" with, and not those you'd be spend time with but keep things different inside....
I'd be insanely happy to see mine everyday. I am sure every one of them feels the same way too.... the real world is full of crap out there. I'd hope the rest of you not to miss out on these fundamental wonders of life...so stop thinking for yourself, think about it, and think about where I'm coming from.

~~~ Frou Frou - Breathe In ~~~

ERik.

Happy w/ things. Can I rely on hope yet? Can I? Or am I dreaming blind?

HAHahah....chat from Lau

SHuNShuNLaU: dude i'm fuct
Ec4K: sup
SHuNShuNLaU: shit man
SHuNShuNLaU: i'm soooooo fuct
Ec4K: watup?
Ec4K: everything coo?
SHuNShuNLaU: i have a fucking hickie on my neck dude!~!!!!!
Ec4K: ahhaawahahahah
Ec4K: ahahahahaha
Ec4K: ahahahhahahaha
Ec4K: ahhahahahah
SHuNShuNLaU: fuckkkkkkkkk
SHuNShuNLaU: i don't even know how this happened
Ec4K: chiu jeng!!!
Ec4K: hahah
SHuNShuNLaU: diu lei ahhhh
SHuNShuNLaU: i have to see my girl in like 2-3 days
SHuNShuNLaU: i'm sooooo fuct
Ec4K: hahah
Ec4K: say you got hit playing bball
SHuNShuNLaU: its fucking huge dude
Ec4K: say
Ec4K: you duunno what happenned
SHuNShuNLaU: hahahaha
Ec4K: you just got it after bball
SHuNShuNLaU: thats true
SHuNShuNLaU: fuck man
Ec4K: make fun of it
SHuNShuNLaU: ging mmm deem ah
Ec4K: say it looks like hickie
Ec4K: hahahahaha
Ec4K: man
Ec4K: thats the best shit to start my day
SHuNShuNLaU: hahaha
SHuNShuNLaU: shit....
Ec4K: watiching game 7
Ec4K: and you telling me shit like that

Hmmm........theres only one thing left between junior year and I.....Phyfound EXam!.......just one more...just one more......at least work week is over *phew*......just gotta study my brains out and should be fine...not too many hopes (plans to study everything inside out..but to do above avg would be awesome already -_-; ).........now that I talk about it, reminds me I should start studying.......haha...i work up at 9:45am and spent the last hour or so playing the guitar.........ARgh, that was not the plan....
Guess I should stick up to my words. Peace outside.

~~~ Overseer - Horn Dog ~~~ Mitsubishi Endeavor Electronica

Tired....argh......did somebody say spring fair weekend??.....although i still got tomorrow to check it out, I haven't had a chance to walk by the quads nor drop by beer garden all weekend....too much work!!.....all packed before exam period.....all of a sudden I'm wondering what the hell exam period is for when most professors try to schedule their courses to be completed before exam period??.......But anywayz, yeah, I spent nearly a whooping 9 hours on design team stuff yesterday and 7 hours on it today??....what the hell is going on??...and we're meeting back up again tomorrow??
Its been a while since I've gotten little to no sleep. I managed to squeeze in 3 hours last nite after design team and Chui and Chuangs birthday drinking nite (yes, and got mad tired *blink* and passed the 'F' out afterwards eventho it'd fuck my sleep schedule up) .....I guess the reason why I say I haven't done it in a while is cause I'm not a crunch time student anymore....I don't study hard the nite before midterms, exams....I don't stay up for papers, projects before its due......I'd probably sound like a mad nerd or retardly uptite, but I usually plan to finish studying or writing my paper at least a day or two before the last day thinking I'd have more than enough time if I figured more needs to be done (although, its not usually the case, and on the last day I'm somehow always chilling and doing something else)......but yeah, I've had a weird weekend....its spring fair and I'm too occupied to even walk by....even missed the blackalicious concert.....*sigh*.....

YEY!..one more week of school.....its probably gonna be a hectic next 5 days of studying, hwking, labbing...but it'll be a lot more chill afterwards....I'll have a lil more than a week to study for the final chapter of phyfound........it seriously feels like I've taken that course and its lab for the longest longest time......its like a weekly lecture, lab, homework committment........pretty intense compared to the rest of the courses I've taken here.......its a one year course, and they make sure every damn lecture its filled up with material...not a day of that class goes by easily........seriously, the amount they teach is more like 3-4 courses instead of 2 courses over the year....
But anywayz, HELLz YEAH!....i'm done with it with 100% attendance....well, I soon will be.......probably one of the biggest BME challenges to overcome throughout the degree....its good to know I overcame hell in one of its purest forms...

I still need to spend more time to make sure..but I recently got the new Tosca CD while I was at NYC last weekend. I personally think the main album aint as strong as the previous, but the package also comes with a session CD.....and I thought that was one damn special CD I've heard in my life.......its a CD with a full set of tracks, its very very quite.....every once so often there would be soft piano chords played........its crazy, I felt mad peace when I heard it....i suppose its the type of stuff you'd want to listen only when you're alone......the first time i heard it I was driving, and I felt like I was in another world......a world completely peaceful......as if everything became silent all of a sudden........its as if you suddenly turned deaf, there is no sound from anywhere.........nuthing except for the silence from the CD......it was a crazy experience........I ended up parked at the parking lot for my music lesson and I spent the next 15mins staring out into the blue sky through the open roof in my car while the CD played.....i dunno....i sound crazy...but the CD is even worse.....
~~~ Tosca - Dehli 9 (Session CD) ~~~

Aite. BACK 2 WORK.
AiRIK

HAha...with absolute no permission from Silent S, I will steal an exert from his internet diary and put it into mine (hehe..you know how much time that saves?!):

then it continue with a weird thursday where the weather drop 20 degrees, cold.. some school field trip that makes us tired and ended up blazin "strawberry-haze" with min at the wrong staircase.. hit so quick, was gonna go home but decided to call chuck and christine for dinner, we ate dinner, heard monkey was coming to town, and have weird moment looking for some grass by "aim"ing all people we know, and ended up blazin some more.. go back home for some 7am mcD's breakfast

friday go to school, got permission to leave a lil early.. get sm's car, he got ripped off again by some hag guai, went shopping, got a watch with an artificial intelligent that told me "when am i going to get laid?" walk around the village, heard erik's news and my nightmare at the same time..(yo man, even though you makin me fui, i really thank you for telling me that shit..), go karaoke feeling guilty, sing norah jones, sing john mayer, yum and siu-siu blaze, go home for another mcD's 7am breakfast..

saturday.. mo blaze mo yum, played a lil pool, cheuk got some fever (i thought it was SARS yo), but he was so gangster - decided to get bubble tea and watch "phone booth"... shit movie with one good 'very-touching' moment... (tears for real).. go home and late avocado ham with muenster cheese toasted bread sandwich... rest..
*** BTW, SM = Space Monkey, and no thats not ME!!!...wuhahahaha...***

Yep, although I wouldn't agree with SS about everything he writes about, and neither would I have phrased things the same way he did.....I wanted to slip it into my diary....haha....tiz crazy talk....but its like a diary integration....diaries intertwined.....an event that included the two of us.......but anywayz, yeah, awesome weekend...

I feel like i'm being pulled both ways.
I know people that are on the right track every single moment, they always have a master plan on the table, always doing the right thing and working hard at it. On the other hand, I also know people that are always chilling, they're always living life as it is, just living it up and getting through it...they seem like they live every moment for what it is. Sometimes I feel like theres such a big gap in between. Its either you're mad extreme into getting shit right, or you're just being a normal person. I feel like I don't completely belong on either side, I act and live wanting the best of both worlds. I feel like I want to be everything, I want to experience it all. It makes me feel like I have one of each feet of mine on a different boat. It doesn't quite feel the same, but its metaphorically sorta like being in the middle between being an ABC and being a FOB. Its like, you enjoy both worlds, but you're not quite on either side...and that sometimes becomes a disadvantage on its own. Its like you're this certain thing, but not really....

Talking about being the middle (in what I call the gray matter)...I am faced with a dilemma these dayz.....ok 'fui' lah.......the best way to put it i suppose is "a desire unfulfilled may be the most satisfying".....i suppose some things are better staying a dream......haha.......as cheuk says, what it comes down to is always the balance between the pros and cons for me:

I see fire
In the midst, I see dreams
I foresee torture without death
I'm not ready to fly neither drop
May the goddess reach out her hand
I beg for neither heaven nor hell
All I want is peace
All I want is what I can't have

I need options
I want a way out
I can cry no tears, and all pain
May the goddess reach out her hand
Lift me up high, and not watch me fall
I speak to save you from the same
So let my prayers begin
Let the hopes become miracles

gonna bball again,
ERik

Its time for me to start think about graduate school. Where do I wanna go? What do I want to study?....What am I gonna do after I graduate at the end of 2003? Work? Bum? Travel? Hmmmmm.....I feel both old and I feel l like none of my friends are going through the same stuff I am....all you stupid idiots.....fai di graduate lah....
I think I'd like to goto Stanford or Columbia for FE tho (uh-huh, thats if i get in!!....).........but yeah, life will go on if I don't....I think I'm pretty good at accepting the reality, plus, I feel like aiming at top universitys only....so thats what I get for my sorta ego...
Anywayz, seriously tho...I feel so damn old......I hear about kids that are still deciding where to go for undergrad and I instantly feel like I should be there too.....I'm not old...still yet to become 20.....and I'm planning to graduate?!!......I feel like I'm ahead....or maybe i actually am?!....haha....this sounds a lil stupid, but part of me actually wants to stay back and hang around.......

Gonna work out and bball more in a while......its becoming a habit.....or should i say a habit revisited??....yep, its all coming back to me.....its been a while since I've felt that complexity in playing sports and doing excercise......I guess i always understood it, but just hadn't had time to experience it again.........hahha......yeah, what it comes down to is that I used to have a lotta work..........I felt like I always had work to be completed (and I actually did) before...but now its just like, I have everything on top of......the funny thing is, I never realized college was chill like that.....i never realized I was one (among the rest of the nerds) of the only ones that spent so much time getting my school work and all that together.....only til now, I found out there was so much time to chill, rest and do what I want to do.......

Not gonna post music, check previous two entries for stuff. I suppose make sure you chek out 'Weekend Players - Jericho'....thats a huge one.

Gonna bounce.
Airik
"I don't want to be a liability. I want to live life and be an asset of the people around me."

I'm happy.
This semester went by in a blink of an eye. I suppose half the reason is cuz I've had an awfully easy semester, and the other half is cuz I've made the most out of my time throughout. I feel like theres nothing better to be happenning right now...I'm satisfied, I will accept it and make the best out of it.
Two weeks of school left, two exams left. In a way, I want the school year to end..but in another, I don't want it to. I don't know what I'll be doing when its over. Hopefully something fun and exciting =) Won't be able to go home yet, so i'll be hanging around...prob in the states, maybe Vancouver?!.......
I'll be staying in school for July tho (damn chem lab 2!!).....dammit......graduating early wasn't initially part of the plan, so I'll have to suck it up.....I guess I'll get my GRE's done with then too....

~~~ Spooks - Karma Hotel ~~~ its...erhh...erh...gothic?!!......haha......its hip hop...its one of those narrated story songs.....
~~~ Royksopp - Remind Me, Eple, poor Leno ~~~ I like these guyz a lot...its dreamy german electronica......their album "Melody A.M" is awesome...
~~~ Lemon Jelly - Come ~~~ I think I mentioned lemon jelly before.....they're a very funky downtempo group..
~~~ The Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK ~~~
~~~ Morcheeba - Blindfold ~~~

Spring fair, beer garden and the whole lot is coming around this weekend....ahhhh.....i'm like anti-alcohol rite now....I think about that stufff and it reminds me to go back to the toilet bowl......I think I over did it last weekend......I did not hold back at all......hehe......although I also think I accomplished my primary goal for the nite......its awesome tho, I like heading to NYC for partying......as I always say over and over again, its all about who you're with.....the rest are only bonuses.......anyhow, yeah, will be back to update about how it ends up this weekend....

lost my voice over the weekend again,
Erik

Once Again, I ponder about the number of people that read my blog. Especially those that I do not know read it, are you one of them??

~~~ 7L and Esoteric - Watch Me ~~~ Hiphop. Chek the artist. Its the best I've seen in a while.
~~~ Morcheeba - Undress Me Now ~~~ Chill Dream Downtempo w/ vocals.
~~~ Weekend Players - Jericho ~~~ "I hear your voice coming out to reach me...."

I feel like whatever I talk about is going to be very biased. I feel like my mind is not clear. Its as if certain directional neurons in my head are being constantly stimulated so that I am overrided to think only in one direction (haha...way too much BME for me). I constantly tell myself I need to keep myself on my feet. Its only for the good, I shall not let myself wander into the deep space.
I've been working out and playing basketball a lot more often these days. Thats definitely been very successful, it makes me feel alive, it keeps me focused, it keeps me busy for the day and tired when I rest. I enjoy complete days, I enjoy a day filled with activities, typically with some variation..... some school, some excercise, kicking back a little, and all sorts of other things.

I enjoy life. I appreciate. Joe, Chuang, Dave and I were just discussing a couple days ago about our normal daily happiness state. We were rating our normal daily happiness on a scale from 1-10 (5 being neither happy nor unhappy), and I rated myself a 7. Everybody seemed to be pretty surprised, but I was glad to think of myself as that happy normally. A year ago I would of probably rated myself a 4-5ish, and another year ago, I would've probably rated myself a 3. Yeah, pretty depressed well being, if i recall, I thought pretty pessimisitic. Everything concluded with 'life sucks, suck it up'.
I have realized though, our moods rely on our outlook and not upon what is happenning or going on in our lives. Its all about your attitude towards things. In many ways I could be judged as biased (I should technically be a 5 normally)...but I don't care as long as its doing me good =) I guess I just don't see a reason to be normally unhappy, while I see a reason to be happy because I'm not unhappy.....alritealrite, enough crazy talk....
What would you rate yourself?

Its a good week.
Airik.

I'm a very extreme person. When I set my mind to something, nothing can stop me.... I have the tendencies to focus intensively on things that I like......when I'm on about something, thats all that goes through my head day in day out.......Its sorta cool....haha....i like this trait.....i tend to become very absorbed with my thing....it numbs me out from the rest of the world......
I've been having some intense bball session over the past week.....I felt like I've been such a bum for the past couple weeks since I broke my hand.....normally, I don't care about how I physically look (i don't want to be buff and stuff, i think i look better being a tall skinny azn) but I've recently felt that I'm starting to get out of shape.....although I'm skinny, I felt like I was starting to get a little flabby.......and that drove me to move my ass to get those workouts.....yesterday, I played 4 hours straight of back to back full court....from 8pm - 12pm....pretty crazed stuff.....I haven't done that in a while...last time being at least 3 years ago or something......But yeah, I came home and looked at myself in the mirror in satisfacation.....haha.....i can see an end to my bball sessions again til I feel like a bum....
I had an all day xenosaga last weekend (10am-1am). I'm over with video games, but I somehow still amaze myself once a in while how I can still somehow get into a game like that.....Maybe i can pull another this weekend, i'm pretty free this month til exams start....as long as i get to work tonite or tomorrow i suppose....

~~~ Jay-Z feat. Eminem - Renegade ~~~ I dunno where this came from....it was in my mp3 folder....its prob an old song?!
~~~ Our Lady Peace - Clumsy ~~~ I like OLP a lot.....this was probably one of their first hits...
~~~ At 17 - ÄãÓÐ×Ô¼ºÒ»Ì× ~~~ I heard this song on the radio over the christmas in HK and instantly loved it....the vocals aren't anything special or anything but i thought the song was mad chill......mad props for making cantonese stuff that doesn't sound the same......oh and also, one of them is Jons cousin.....although, i've seen them in real life personally...they seemed to me like they were just any normal random HK girls....

I don't normally put lyrics other than my own on this site cuz I think it wastes too much space.....I rather fill up my blog with stuff I write, but I'll make an exception today:

"What It Is To Burn" - Finch

Today's on fire
The sky is beating above me, and I am blister
I walk these signs of blasphemy, every day
And still:

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

I feel diseased
Is there no sympathy, for the sun
The sky's still fire
But I am safe in here, from the world outside

So tell me
What's the price to pay for glory

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn

Today is fine, and she burns
Today is fine, and she burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns
She burns

Like a bad star, I'm falling faster down to her
She's the only one who knows, what it is to burn
----------------------------------------------------------------------

Aite, gonna grab a beer and watch the Kings vs. Lakers game.
Airik.

I figured its been a while since I've recommended any of my recent playing on winamp Mp3's....so chek it:

~~~ Finch - What is it to burn ~~~ pretty hardcore song.....pretty angry.....i suppose those that don't enjoy heavy rock to skip this one.......I dunno, I like it a lot tho....its very powerful...its very emotional...
~~~ Port of Notes - (You are) more than paradise ~~~ Its been a while since I've listenned to them....erm....thanx btw......
~~~ Stanley Huang - Circus Monkey, Help ~~~ This dude is my rock version of david tao......I don't know anything about him other than that these songs are good...
~~~ Vines - Outtathaway! ~~~ I like grunge a lot....I think both these guyz and Nirvana both do a great job at that....
~~~ Mr. Scruff - Cheeky ~~~ Yep, downtempo....He happenned to be spinning at the chill room at a big rave I was at a long time ago...missed out on him tho...

I'd probably sound like a sick fool to you for mentioning this...but I was introduced to the term 'hot plate' a couple days ago by chuang and joe......hahha....somehow, I really like this term....its pretty gross but I think its incredibly funny.........for those that don't know what it is, its basically wrapping your face with saran wrap....and then have somebody shit on your face.....hahaha.....yeah...its disgusting....pretty good jackass stunt though.......you think its funny?? or plain sick??

Anywayz, I've been thinkin about some things I shouldn't be over the past couple days.....to get hurt or not is my next question......There aren't that many things in this world that I want and don't reach out to.......I strive to obtain what I want....and I know what I want very well........hmmmmm.....i dunno......its pretty sad....sometimes I feel like such a loser for bending my back to just hope.........I feel like all in all, i'll always stay the loser......
I'm in deep trouble....i know most well out of all people......thats how my life works, its always been that way....nothing ever works out at the same time......its either this or that.....I focus on something and I tend to lose control of the other.....

The SARS is wrecking my home!!...go away! go away!!......Leave my home alone.
I had a dream about being in HongKong last night...was pretty freaky....somehow I badly wanted to go out to do stuff on the streets.....and there were so many crowded areas I had to go through......and I was so freaked out that I would contract the disease........its crazy man.....I was freaked out all dream, cuz I knew I could contract the disease through air..or even through contaminated objects.......I didn't know what the hell was going on...but i remember myself being super consious about everything I did and everywhere I went........so pls go away VIRUS! Otherwise we'll figure out how to wipe you out!!........and definitely leave before the summer starts!

aite.
Airik.

I feel peace. Maybe I'm just being a dreamer, but I believe in peace in ones mind. I hope one day this thought will help make this world a better place. I know we are gazillion galaxies away from a world of total peace, but it doesn't stop me from trying to make it happen. It really isn't that hard to be generous. It really isn't too hard to be nice and helpful. I've definitely grown up to be a lot more sensitive person, sometimes even I am shocked at myself upon the things I decide. I never realized as a kid I would ever make decisions for the greater well being unless it were for the benefit of myself. As I once quoted, 'heroes often sacrifice....heroes don't seek recognition'...I'm not trying to say I'm a hero....I simply don't believe in one.....I believe only if everybody lives through these principles will there ever be one....not an individual, but rather beings that live at another level......i suppose if i'm really directed to be more thoughtful as I grow and experience, I hope it will continue forever....I want to know whether I have a limit, whether I will ever say 'stop' and think a bit for myself first......

YEah, i'm gonna be graduating early. Awesome. Hopefully with a math minor too, but if not, i don't care. Although theres always a lot more to learn here, I think i'm pretty done with undergrad....i learned what i need to...i went past all that i must......its time to move on once again......yep, that means one more semester....and i'll be done by 2003 christmas..........haha....shall i congratulate myself?

Now I'm hooked on xenosaga...damn, whats wrong with me...i feel like i'm moving back into my child hood rather than progressing forwards.......

Erik.

I traded in my new 'Meteora' Linkin Park CD for the new 'Elephant' White Stripes and Audio Slave CD. I guess I didn't enjoy meteora much. I felt like the whole CD just didn't live upto its expectations. No new sound, and no breakthrough in content. I listenned to the whole CD one track at a time awaiting for the next crazy rap rock ballad to just blow me away, and it failed. I guess that was some sort of disappointment, I was eager to find out that next level these guyz would bring me, and the whole CD was just the same old stuff til the end. Nuthing spectacular, nothing below par.
I guess the only track that moved me was ~~~ Session - Linkin Park ~~~ thats the instrumental DJ track by Mr.Hahn....
Its all good tho, if i'm not mistaken, the White Stripes and Audio Slave albums I got should satisfy my needs. I've been told those are supposedly worth my time.

Haha, I feel like making myself sound like a major geek by stating that I've been hooked onto playing Magic: the Gathering online over the past week. Haha...its tite, and I will stick up to what I like no matter whether it'll stereotype me into a loser geek, nerd or whateva. I am what i am, no shame in who I am and what I like.....Yep, its only smart to live your own flow, don't let the rest of the world change what you want.....Anyhow, all in all, its an awesome game, definitely worth the experience if you haven't played it before....download the game and play unlimited free trials at the magic the gathering website.....

I'm considering graduating half a year early. If my permission to get a math minor is rejected, I'll most probably go ahead and schedule to graduate this coming christmas 2003. If i'll be getting my math minor too, then i'm not sure yet. It'll be hella tough fall 2003, it'll mean a lot of work and pretty much no play. I dunno, saving $18,000 aint really on my parents mind, but I definitely just want to get over with undergraduate college. I guess time will tell, I'll need to make some "decisions" over the next two weeks. To graduate early or not is my question.

~~~ Heaven's Drive - L'arc en ciel ~~~ Hands down, these guyz are my fav......only recently I started to listen to their stuff again, and I was just blown away by the level their music is......my music has developed a lot since the last time I listened to them, I revisited them again and felt like i knew nothing about their music before.......i didn't understand that there was so much more behind what I used to listen to even when i had them playing on my CD player over and over again......i guess maybe its because they're an asian band, they know how to fine tune their music perfectly for my mind......i dunno.....but yeah, this is an all rockers must check out band......I'm confident to say that they'd do crazy well over in America if it weren't that their songs are in japanese...
Oh and yes, they're BACK from rest period!!! They just came out with 3 new compilations!!! I can't wait to hear about them again.

Airik..

I want to fly.

I always thought that those that said they wanted wings were such idiots. Its only realistic to live on in our world without wings. But 5 secs ago, i wanted a pair too. I finally felt what they meant when they say they want wings. You want to just fly away, away from this world, away from our life and our constrictions. You want to be somewhere where you can just hide alone without a soul nearby...

I want to be a rock star.

I want to live carelessly. I don't exactly care about my crib, my money. I just want to make music for this world. I want to make music for the masses. I want to be able to create music for others to feel. I want to goto crazy parties and I want everybody to be friendly to me. I want to live a life a day at a time.

I want to be a difference.

I want to be "the somebody else". I don't want to live life as it is. Everyday I wear a barbed wire around my head, it doesn't hurt but its clenched so tight. Its wanting to tell me something, something that nobody knows of except for me. I can't make out clearly what it is, but its my purpose. I feel like I need to resolve it, I feel like I will live painfully for the rest of my life until I unlock this goal. Theres something out there, as important or irrelevant it is to this world, it means everything to me to get it done.

I'm tired. I'm exhausted. For the past week, at the end of the day, i feel dead. My eyes strain to see, my mind strains to run. Its pressure?! from what?......from who? for what? for who?.....when you know so well what you want, you tend to stay too focus........when you are too focused, you lose sense of your surroundings......i think i just lost it.

Didn't blog for a week and a half. haha. My past month has seem like a year to me, i wouldn't know where to start. Theres only one thing in my mind, and thats 'live on'.
On a greater note tho, POETRY DEF JAM is one of those things that unexpectedly make it to our lives. If i had to rate this show, I would give it 10/10. Yes, i guess i am being a little lenient here...but when i think about it again, I have nothing negative to say about it, so why shouldn't i give it a 10?? I would appreciate any of you that make it to NYC to spend the time to goto their broadway, I would greatly appreciate such a talented 'real' group get the recognition and support they deserve...........can't believe they came hopkins and i missed their show....i would like to see it again....

Sometimes I feel like my life is entertainment. I feel like my world is entertainment. What is actually called entertainment would i guess be called entertainment within entertainment. Or would it??....hahha...i guess not.....what is called entertainment in our world doesn't always end up to be entertainment, I suppose they should be called time killers....the real entertainment is around us...its in our air....its within everyone of us.......we and our world is our own entertainment......if you dunt think so, think again.......

Summer is coming soon, I feel like I just came back from christmas break. I suppose its cuz so much has been going on since I've gotten back. Always on the run, always in a race to beat time.......(haha...suppose thats why i'm tired...).......but anyhow, yeah, summer is coming....hopefully i'll be able to get through fine (according to history, i normally get through just fine...family, work, friends, play...yep)............haha.......somehow i'm reminded about what I was doing exactly during this time last year......EWWW...hated it....hated work......hahaha....I've changed again...grown again......ho crazy ar......so whos the final version of me??...infinite version?

I'm tired.
Airik

I don't think i've mentioned, but i broke my right hand 2-3 weeks ago.......it sux, its still recovering.....i've only started to type with it late last week, its gonna be a while til i'll be able to play bball or even play the guitar properly like i used to.......

~~~ Another Better Day - Nemo ~~~ get the song @ www.nemorocks.com....their song 'goldfish' is good too!!.....these guyz aren't professional but they know what they're doing........they live a life i'm crazy jealous of.....its definitely one of my dreams come true to do exactly what they are.......oh and also, thxn volcom3 for introducing their music to me a while ago..

~~~ Summer wind was always our song - Ataris ~~~ More punk for the rockers. These guys rock my world.

I'm a dead body on campus today. I'm mentally exhausted from the stress and studying i've put through this week...yep, if you didn't realize, my previous entry was a desperation voice from my mind........after the phyfound midterm, i felt like all the juice from my brain had been squeezed out for the day......i was struggling to stick around til the day was over.........
Its either i'm just paranoid, or i'm changing again.......for a while, its either i've been feeling either very focused or i've been as dead as can be.......i feel like i'm crazy all over again........my mind seems to speak different (and even contradicting) every other day.......and its been very confusing.......my mind seems to be very easily persuaded by my present opinions and arguments.....its driving me nuts........i feel like its post-high day....i feel uneasy about what i'm doing.......
Music has been my only temporary cure thes days.....i feel so alive when i'm listenning to music....i feel like i'm immensed into a whole new world.....you know how your surroundings completely change after you dive underwater?.....i feel just like that except for that my vision is exactly the same......its crazy, its intense....

Spring is here!!! So awesome...hehe...as i mentioned a long time ago, i love summer wear...i love the sun......we've had an awfully long christmas over here in the east...so long that i've seriously forgot about the sun........i completely forgot how warm and nice it can be.........Nite walks on campus are definitely my favourite during the spring.....makes me feel so free......its so refreshing........i feel i probably won't have to drive to class even once, i'd be missing out too much...

k. its late,
Airik.